Watching You From The Shadows: Haato Akai's Secret Diary - The library without her.

The scene I witnessed that day on Shiokaze Bridge is still burned into the back of my mind. Takeru standing up to an upperclassman bigger than himself, just to protect Hana. His back, covered in scrapes and scratches, planted in front of her until the very end. And then—that gentle voice saying, "I'll always protect you," a voice that would never, ever be directed at me. A week had passed since then. And I was still writing letters from the shadows, same as always. A small message slipped into Takeru's shoe locker first thing in the morning. Today, it wasn't just a letter—I'd tucked in some cookies I baked last night, too. Baking cookies… even I thought that might be going a little overboard. But still—I wanted to make him happy. The final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. My classmates filed out of the room one after another. My friends Miho and Satomi had club activities, so they left right away. "See you tomorrow, Haato!" "Yeah, see you!" I waved back with a smile. But inside, my mind was elsewhere. (*Where did Takeru go?*) He always left the classroom the moment school ended. He wasn't in any clubs. Maybe he went to the library, or maybe he walked home with Hana—restless, I wandered the school building, searching for any sign of him. My footsteps echoed down the hallway, click-clack, click-clack. I passed through the main building's corridor, crossed the connecting walkway, and headed toward the south wing. The air was chilly and carried a faint, dusty smell. The late afternoon light slanted through the windows, casting long shadows across the floor. I reached the second floor of the south wing, stopping in front of the library. The collection held about twelve thousand books. At this hour, a library committee member should have been on duty at the checkout counter. Takeru came here often—because Hana was on the library committee. I paused before the door and peered inside through the small window. Eight reading desks. Two sofas by the window. And on one of those sofas, she sat. Yamada Hana. Her long, sleek black hair, which reached all the way down to her waist, was tied back in a single ponytail today, just like always. Her calm, deep blue eyes were fixed intently on the book in her hands. The way she occasionally turned the pages with a demure, downcast gaze was so quiet—so beautiful. (*Hana…*) I held my breath. The sight of her reading was like something out of a painting. She had a slightly dreamy air about her, the kind of person who, left alone, would immediately lose herself in the world of a story. She seemed so much more natural here than in the classroom, so much more at ease. And then—there was a shadow leaning against the wall by the library entrance. Satou Takeru. His slightly long black hair was as messy as ever, his bangs falling over his eyebrows. His dark eyes, which looked so strong-willed and only narrowed during a fight—were different now. (*…Ah.*) My breath caught in my throat. Takeru was gazing at Hana. But it wasn't the smile he showed in the classroom, or the serious expression he wore during a fight—it was completely different from the image I wrote about in my letters, the "you who can't leave someone in trouble alone." It was an unguarded, tender face. The corners of his mouth were relaxed, just barely, and his eyes were soft. He leaned against the wall, watching her quietly, careful not to let her notice. Those eyes—they were the eyes you turn toward someone you love. Deep in my chest, something clenched tight. (*I know that face.*) Because I make the exact same one. In the classroom, in the hallway, in the schoolyard—I'm always looking at Takeru just like that. From the shadows, secretly, so no one notices. (*But Takeru never looks at me with those eyes.*) No matter how many letters I write, no matter how many cookies I leave, that gaze of Takeru's is aimed at Hana and Hana alone. An expression that will never be directed at me—it definitely exists. That fact stabbed into the center of my chest like a cold knife. —It's so frustrating. —Incredibly frustrating. I bit my lip. The edge of my teeth dug into the inside of it. It hurt. But somewhere much deeper than that pain, it hurt even more. Hana hadn't done anything wrong to me. She was just quietly reading a book. She probably didn't even realize Takeru's feelings for her. And yet—my chest felt like it was burning with a black flame. (*It's not fair. Hana, you're not fair.*) I know. I know this is just me taking it out on her. But I couldn't help thinking it. I left. I crept away from the front of the library, muffling my footsteps. No tears came, but my heart was a tangled mess, and I couldn't think straight. Even after I got home, I couldn't get that scene out of my head. (*That face Takeru made…*) I barely touched my dinner, and my mom asked, "What's wrong?" I just brushed it off, saying my stomach was a little upset, and shut myself in my room. My room—a six-tatami-mat space on the second floor, facing south. From the window, I could see the embankment of the Soyokaze River. In the darkness of night, all that was visible were the scattered lights of the streetlamps. I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. (*What can I do to make Takeru look at me?*) I didn't know. —The next day. During lunch break, I was at my desk, opening my lunchbox. From outside the window, I could hear the usual shouts from the softball club. The early summer breeze swayed the curtains, carrying the scent of grass into the classroom. Someone who'd managed to snag a yakisoba bread from the school store was showing it off proudly. It should have been a normal, peaceful lunch break. "Whoa! There's another one!" Suddenly, Takeru's loud voice rang through the classroom. I flinched and looked up. Takeru was pulling a small paper bag out of his desk. Inside the clear bag were a few cookies—the ones I'd put in his shoe locker this morning. "Seriously, this is awesome! Looks homemade, and doesn't it look crazy good?" Takeru grinned innocently, holding up the bag. Reacting to his voice, a bunch of our classmates crowded around him. "Wait, is it that mystery letter person again?" "Eee, now there's homemade sweets too! Takeru, you're way too loved!" "I've got no clue who it is, but homemade stuff makes me seriously happy." Takeru opened the bag and took out a cookie. Then, he popped it into his mouth. —Takeru ate my cookie. The cookie I made. My heart pounded. I could almost hear the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears. (*Is it good? My cookie, is it good?*) I stared at Takeru's mouth, feeling like I was praying. "So good! This is seriously good!" Takeru's eyes lit up as he said it. Those words made my whole body feel light, like I was floating. (*Thank goodness…*) But—that's when it happened. I noticed it. A gaze from the next seat over, staring intently at me. Tanaka Yuuki. Her shoulder-length, straight silver hair—she'd told me before that it wasn't natural, that she'd taken the plunge and dyed it—was tucked behind her ear as she watched me. Her eyes were sharp and slightly upturned, like a cat's. The color was a grayish green. She actually had a lot of piercings in her right ear, but she covered them with stickers at school. While the whole class was buzzing over Takeru's cookies, Yuuki wasn't smiling at all. She was just watching my profile intently, expressionless. (*…She's watching.*) A cold shiver ran down my spine. Yuuki had been suspicious of my actions for a while. She'd probably noticed the anonymous letters, too. And now, she hadn't missed the expression on my face as I watched the cookies. "…Hmm." Yuuki murmured it quietly. A voice that reached only my ears. I hurriedly averted my eyes, dropping my gaze to my own lunchbox. My hands threatened to tremble, so I gripped my chopsticks tighter. (*She hasn't found out. She hasn't found out yet.*) I told myself that. But Yuuki's gaze remained fixed on me. Like a cat stalking its prey, she was staring, trying to see right through to the depths of my heart. School ended. The bell rang again, and everyone started getting ready to go home. I wanted to leave the classroom faster than anyone, but my legs wouldn't move. I was scared of Yuuki's gaze. Only after I confirmed that she had left the classroom first did I stand up. The room was already empty. I collapsed onto my desk. (*What do I do?*) What would happen if Yuuki found out about me like this? The memory from fourth grade flickered in my head—that day when my love letter was posted on the blackboard and the whole class laughed at me. My legs wouldn't move even though I wanted to run away, and the sound of laughter spun round and round in my head. (*Is it going to be like that again?*) If my secret got out, would Takeru and everyone in class think I was creepy? Writing letters from the shadows, sneaking cookies into his locker—if they knew I was doing stuff like that, surely everyone would hate me. I felt tears coming, but I held them back. (*This is no time to cry. There has to be something I can still do.*) I lifted my head. I remembered the look in Takeru's eyes I'd seen at the library. That unguarded, tender gaze directed at Hana. That was something that, no matter how many letters I wrote, no matter how many cookies I baked, would never be directed at me. (*If only Hana weren't here—*) The thought surfaced in my mind. (*If only Hana weren't here, maybe Takeru would look at me.*) No, that's wrong. It's not Hana's fault. But—as long as Hana is by Takeru's side, his eyes will forever be fixed on her alone. In that case. (*What if Hana got a boyfriend?*) I gasped. (*If Hana got a boyfriend, Takeru might give up on her. And then—then, maybe Takeru's eyes would turn toward me.*) The idea swelled bigger and bigger in my head. (*That's it. There's no other way. "Operation: Get Hana a Boyfriend."*) I stood up. I needed an accomplice. To get Hana a boyfriend, I needed someone—right, Suzuki Kenta from the next class. The top-ranked good-looking guy in our grade, and the ace of the basketball team. He was crazy popular with girls, and there was no better candidate to be Hana's boyfriend. (*If Kenta goes out with Hana, Takeru will definitely give up.*) I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag. My hands were shaking. But I couldn't stop myself from writing. *'Please meet me behind the gym after school tomorrow. I have something important to discuss. —Akai Haato'* I ran. I burst out of the classroom, dashed down the hallway, and took the stairs two at a time. I was out of breath, my heart pounding. But I couldn't stop. As I passed the next class over—Class 2-4—I saw the back of a student stepping out into the hallway. Short, light brown hair, usually styled with a bit of honey-colored wax to make it stand up a little. He was 183 centimeters tall, easy to spot even from a distance. Suzuki Kenta. (*I can't talk to him yet. First, the note—*) I rushed down the stairs, careful not to let Kenta notice me. First floor. The entrance. The shoe locker area. I stopped in front of Class 2-4's shoe lockers. I searched for Kenta's name—there it was. I glanced around. No one was there. I folded the note and quickly slipped it into Kenta's shoe locker. (*Please, notice it.*) Then I hurried toward the school gate. My heart was loud. But inside my chest, alongside the fear, a small flame of hope had been lit. (*Maybe this will change things. Maybe things between Takeru and me can change.*) —But I didn't know. I didn't know that on the stairwell landing, Tanaka Yuuki had been watching my actions the entire time. She pulled her smartphone from her pocket. She tapped the screen and opened her photo folder. There—a clear picture of my back as I slipped the note into Kenta's shoe locker. Yuuki let out a small sigh. "So it *is* her. But what business does she have with Suzuki-kun?" With a look of

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Episode 3

Name: Watching You From The Shadows: Haato Akai's Secret Diary
Author: Novelia

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