In Aki Rosenthal's Shadow: Feria's Secret Confession
A slightly strange school where Hololive talents attend. The popular Aki Rosenthal is everyone's idol, always having fun. But right next to her is always her best friend, Feria. Feria adores Aki. But that 'adoration' isn't just friendship. Deep down, she's secretly in love with her.
One day, a popular boy at school confesses his feelings to Aki. Watching that, Feria feels her heart shatter. 'I have to support her... as her best friend.' She thinks that, but inside she's a mess. Jealousy, sadnes
In Aki Rosenthal's Shadow: Feria's Secret Confession - Gentle eyes and fragile poetry
Since that day, a thorn has been lodged deep in my heart.
Every time I hear the name Mizuki Shion, every time I see Aki's face light up with joy, the thorn digs in deeper, slowly seeping blood.
(*Why does it hurt this much?*)
The classroom after school. The afternoon light streaming through the windows gently caresses the surfaces of the desks. Most of our classmates have already headed off to their club activities, leaving only a few people behind. As I pack up my things at my desk, I steal a glance beside me.
Aki hasn't left yet.
Second seat from the back by the window. A small group of classmates has gathered around her usual spot. With her textbooks still spread open on her desk, Aki is chatting happily. Her straight golden hair sways softly, and the light-blue ribbon tied on the left side catches the light. Her smile is like the sun itself — the kind of smile that warms you just by being near it.
" So anyway, yesterday I met up with Mizuki-kun after school! I told him I'd be late because of the culture festival prep, and he actually waited for me at the school gate and everything."
Aki's voice is brimming with excitement.
" Wait, Mizuki-kun is so sweet! And then what?"
" And then, he walked me home! The stars were so beautiful on the hill road on the way, and we stopped to look at them together for a while."
" Eeeek! Isn't that basically a date already?"
Aki laughs, a little embarrassed. Her face is faintly flushed, which only makes her look more adorable. The classmates around her squeal with delight.
The thorn sinks deeper.
I press my hand gently against my chest. It feels like my heart is physically aching.
(*He walked her home.*)
(*They looked at the stars together.*)
Just imagining the scene makes something rise up in the back of my throat. A sensation almost like nausea. I can't breathe properly.
" Hey, Feria, are you listening?"
Aki suddenly turns to face me.
Reflexively, I put on a smile. It's something I've done countless times now. I suppress the bitterness in my throat and lift only the corners of my mouth. My flaxen hair, tied in a braid, sways over my shoulder with the movement.
" I'm listening. That's great, Aki."
A voice so natural it even surprised me came out.
" Ehehe. We made plans to go see a movie together next time! Mizuki-kun told me about this movie that looks really interesting."
(*A movie.*)
The thorn tears through flesh.
" I see. That's nice. Something to look forward to."
I answer, all smiles.
(*Stop.*)
(*Don't say any more.*)
Even as I'm screaming inside, my mouth keeps moving. The smile I reserve for my best friend clings to my face, frozen like glass.
" Since you're my best friend, Feria, I really want your advice! What do you think I should wear?"
(*Best friend.*)
Those words echoed like a hammer driving the thorn in deeper.
" I think anything would look good on you, Aki. But... that light-blue dress is really cute, I think."
" That's perfect! You have such good taste, Feria. As expected of my best friend!"
Aki's face lights up with a radiant smile. Looking at that smile, I feel like my own heart is made of nothing but black sludge.
(*It's not like that, Aki.*)
(*I'm not your best friend at all.*)
(*If I were your best friend, I wouldn't be this jealous.*)
(*If I were your best friend, I wouldn't hate the thought of someone else taking you away.*)
I lower my eyes. The light in my large hazel eyes quietly fades. Aki doesn't notice. She's already turned back to her conversation with our classmates.
" And so, we're talking about going to a café in front of the station after the movie."
" Polka Dot? That place is famous for its cream soda, right!"
" Yes, exactly! Mizuki-kun said he's never been there either, so I thought I'd show him."
I quietly stand up from my seat.
I pick up my bag and slip out of the classroom, careful not to be noticed. The linoleum floor of the hallway glows orange, dyed by the setting sun. Normally I'd find it beautiful, but today the color looked like blood.
(*I can't do this anymore.*)
My feet naturally carry me toward the stairs. From the third floor to the second, then to the first. I pass through the main building and head toward the clubroom building, "Kazenone."
Along the way, I pass a few students. A group of girls walking and laughing happily. Boys from the sports clubs running with balls under their arms. Everyone is living out their own after-school lives.
I slip through them like a ghost.
I climb the stairs of the clubroom building. The wooden steps creak here and there, letting out a dull groan each time. The far end of the second floor. I stand before the door of the literature club room.
I turn the doorknob. It's unlocked.
The hinges whine.
No one is inside the clubroom. The western sun streaming through the window dyes the bookshelves and the old sofa a deep crimson. The smell of books mingles with the slightly dusty air, creating a unique scent.
I sit down on the old sofa by the window. The springs sink with a creak. This sofa is a favorite among the club members; someone is always sitting in it. But today, no one is here.
That was a relief.
I take a notebook out of my bag. A plain, unremarkable notebook. I always carry it with me, jotting down poems and short stories. I've never shown it to anyone. This is my secret place, just for me.
I take out a pen and open the pages.
(*Aki, you're amazing.*)
(*I can't stop thinking about you.*)
The pen tip races across the paper. Words spill out. As if a dam has broken, all the feelings I've been holding in for days and days flow out, turning into letters.
(*By your side, where you shine like the sun, I've always wanted to be the moon.*)
(*Because the moon can bathe in the sun's light and glow quietly.*)
(*But the truth is, I want to reach out for the sun.*)
(*Even if just yearning for it burns me to ashes.*)
(*Even so, I want to touch you.*)
(*If I could call you by a different name — not "best friend."*)
(*If, someday, that day could come...*)
(*Even though I know it never will.*)
The pen tip trembles.
A drop falls onto the paper.
The letters blur. The ink spreads blue, looking almost like a tiny flower blooming.
(*I'm crying.*)
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. But the tears won't stop. They keep overflowing, one after another, falling onto the notebook. Blurring letters. Distorting words. Still, the pen doesn't stop.
(*I've always, always loved you.*)
(*Every time you call me your "best friend," a part of my heart dies.*)
(*Even so, even so, I want to see your smile.*)
(*So today, once again, I'll pretend to be your best friend.*)
(*Because that's the only thing I can do.*)
—How long had I been like that?
Suddenly, the clubroom door opened.
At the sound of the hinges, I flinched, my shoulders trembling. When I looked up, someone was standing in the doorway.
A short bob of black hair with a bluish tint. The gesture of tucking long bangs behind an ear. Deep green eyes. Thin-framed round glasses. An old silver ring on the ring finger of her left hand.
The literature club president, Hinata Yuu.
" Oh, Feria? You're still here?"
Yuu spoke in her usual calm voice. She had a half-read paperback in one hand. Maybe she'd been at the library.
" Y-Yuu-senpai..."
I hurriedly tried to close my notebook.
But that was a mistake.
My hands were shaking, and I dropped it. The notebook fell to the floor with a soft thud, and several of the pages I'd been writing on fluttered down around it.
" Ah, it's okay. I'll pick them up."
Yuu crouched down and gathered the scattered pages. Her movements were slow, not flustered at all. One page, two pages, three pages—
And then, Yuu's hand stopped.
Her green eyes traced the letters on the paper.
—*Every time you call me your "best friend," a part of my heart dies.*
—*Even so, even so, I want to see your smile.*
The blood drained from my face.
Why, how, she saw it, she saw it, she saw it—
" Wait, that's—!"
I reached out to snatch the pages back from Yuu. But Yuu just kept quietly reading. Her expression was calm, showing no sign of shock or disgust.
She was just following the words with kind eyes.
" ...This is a good poem."
Yuu murmured the words quietly.
Then, she gently placed the pages back into the notebook and stood in front of the bookshelf. From among the rows of spines, she pulled out an old poetry collection and smoothly slipped the pages between its leaves.
" But, Feria."
Yuu spoke quietly, her back still turned to the bookshelf.
" If things stay like this, the author seems like she's going to break."
Those words pierced deep into my chest.
I felt my heart pound violently.
—*She saw right through me.*
—*For the first time, someone saw right through to my true feelings.*
Even though I'd been hiding them all this time. Even though I'd been playing the perfect best friend so no one would notice. This person, in just a few lines of a poem, had seen everything about me.
Tears spilled from my eyes.
This time, they weren't quiet tears. They overflowed uncontrollably, as if a dam had burst. The back of my throat trembled, and a voiceless sound escaped me.
I crouched down right there. I hugged my knees and cried, stifling my voice. Tears fell onto my lap, staining my uniform skirt.
Yuu didn't say anything.
She just walked over quietly and sat down next to me. The old sofa creaked. Then, she simply waited, patiently, for my tears to subside.
How much time passed?
Outside the window, the sun was about to set. The clubroom was dyed in a strange color, a mix of red and blue.
" ...I'm in love with Aki."
I forced the words out.
" Not as a best friend, but as a girl. For a long, long time. When Aki smiles, I'm happy. Just seeing her talk to someone else makes me jealous. And yet, Aki calls me her 'best friend,' and every time she does, it feels like my heart is going to burst."
I weave the words together between sobs.
" It's wrong. I can't do that. I shouldn't fall in love with my best friend. And besides, I'm a girl, and Aki's a girl too... My feelings must be something dirty. Something that will only cause Aki trouble. Something unwanted."
Words blaming myself keep spilling out, one after another.
The true feelings I'd never been able to tell anyone flow out like a broken dam. It was painful, but somewhere in it, there was also a sense of salvation.
Yuu listened quietly.
Then, she let out a small sigh and looked out the window.
" ...A long time ago, there was someone I loved too."
Yuu's voice sounded a little more distant than usual.
" I truly loved her. But I couldn't say anything. Without ever saying a word, that person went far away. I could have made any number of excuses. That I didn't want to ruin our relationship, that I thought I'd be a bother. But the truth is, I was just a coward."
Yuu gently touched the ring on her left hand.
" Ever since then, I haven't been able to forgive myself. Maybe if I'd had the courage to tell her, something might have changed. I might have been rejected. Even so, I could have lived without lying to my own feelings. In the end, I just keep regretting that I ran away."
Her green eyes looked straight at me.
" So, Feria. I don't want that for you. If you keep hiding it, someday, a day will come when you won't be able to forgive yourself."
" ...But what should I do? If I tell Aki, she'll definitely hate me. Even our relationship as best friends might be destroyed."
I said it with a trembling voice.
" You don't know that."
Yuu shook her head.
" But, you know, there's no sin in loving someone. Your feelings aren't dirty at all. Your poem was so beautiful, it made me think how amazing it is that you could express yourself with such honest words."
Yuu stood up and took the poetry collection from the bookshelf again.
" Whether you tell her or not is something you have to decide. It doesn't have to be now. But you mustn't run away from yo
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