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Mario loves his wife. Mario loves body pillows shaped like trophies. Mario does not love being trapped between an unmovable promise and an unmissable sports festival, especially when both happen to fall on the exact same day. With his unflappable 14-year-old vice president tracking his every schedule, his manager grinning like she already knows how this ends, and a mysterious disembodied narrator who refuses to shut up about "foreshadowing" and "character development," Mario must somehow keep h
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