Vomiting Blood on Stage: The Super Express Car 7 Lie
Blurb:
Seven years of smiling through everything—that's all Takashi ever had. Told he lacked "star quality" at his debut audition, he built himself into the ever-bright idol of Super Express through sheer willpower, hiding exhaustion, pain, and doubt behind a perfect stage smile. Now, on the first day of their biggest national tour yet, that mask is starting to crack.
A burning throat. A cough that won't stop. And finally, blood—bright red against his palm, impossible to explain away.
With tw
Vomiting Blood on Stage: The Super Express Car 7 Lie - Fukuoka Performance — Broken Trust, Collapsing Body
The Fukuoka sky hung lower and heavier than the overcast gray they'd left behind in Nagoya.
The moment he stepped off the Shinkansen, a muggy heat clung to his skin. It was the air unique to Kyushu — carrying the scent of the sea. Takashi tried to take a deep breath, felt something crumple at the back of his throat, and hastily closed his mouth.
(I can't. My throat again.)
The crack that had formed in Nagoya had been carried all the way to Fukuoka without repair. No — more precisely, it had only driven deeper, sharper, lodged in each member's chest.
In the car, no one spoke.
Kai stared out the window the entire time. His medium-short hair, a soft chestnut set, seemed to drink in the gray light and turn dull. Only the small gold piercing in his left ear caught a faint gleam. His light brown eyes reflected the passing cityscape, yet seemed to see nothing at all.
(Ryouga doesn't understand how I feel.)
Kai bit his lip. In the dressing room in Nagoya, he had pleaded so strongly for Takashi to be allowed to rest, and Ryouga had refused to nod until the very end. Not only that — he'd declared that Kai's softness would destroy the group.
(Doesn't he understand other people's pain?)
No. That wasn't it. Ryouga must have understood too. That Takashi's complexion was no longer normal. And still, he prioritized the tour's success. That was the kind of man Ryouga was.
Kai glanced at Takashi, asleep in the seat beside him. His pale skin looked almost sickly white under the overcast sky. Beneath his short, neatly trimmed black hair, his sleeping face was utterly exhausted. His lips had long since lost their color.
(You're always like this. You push yourself, you smile, you hide it.)
Kai's chest tightened with a sharp ache.
* * *
When they arrived at the hotel, Ryouga immediately began reviewing the schedule in the lobby. His black hair was worn slightly long, bangs swept to the side. His narrow black eyes moved swiftly across the tablet in his hands. His back was always ramrod straight — the leader of the group. Ryouga of Car 3. Around his left wrist was an old bracelet whose story he had never told anyone.
"Tomorrow's Fukuoka show — call time at the venue is nine a.m. Rehearsal starts at ten. Setlist is the same as Nagoya. Changes are the formation in the second song, and the lighting timing in the seventh. That's all. Any questions?"
Ryouga's voice was as flat as ever. But right now, it rang strangely cold.
"...No questions."
Yuuki answered quietly. His bright brown hair was styled in a soft, fluffy mash. His large, dark eyes wavered uneasily. He was the group's beloved klutz, the one who dimpled when he laughed. Yuuki of Car 5. At 163 centimeters, he was small — and normally that smallness made him the one who softened the mood, but now he just looked like he was trying to shrink into himself.
"Then rest in your rooms. Prepare for tomorrow."
With that, Ryouga walked off toward his own room without a backward glance.
"...Hey, Kai."
Yuuki gently tugged at Kai's sleeve.
"Is Takashi going to be okay? He's looked really awful for a while now..."
Yuuki's voice was trembling.
"...He'll be fine. He's just tired. I'm keeping an eye on him."
Kai answered as gently as he could. But even he knew those words carried no weight at all.
(What good does it do that I'm watching him?)
Kai mocked himself inwardly.
* * *
The next morning.
The day before the Fukuoka show. Rehearsal was scheduled at the large arena that would host the concert.
When they entered the dressing room, Takashi had already changed and was stretching in front of the mirror.
"Morning! Let's give it everything today, yeah!"
Takashi's voice was even hoarser than yesterday. Even so, he forced it bright and loud.
"Morning, Takashi. ...You look pale. Did you sleep at all?"
Kai peered into Takashi's face.
"Yeah, slept like a rock! Maybe Fukuoka's air suits me."
Takashi grinned. But beneath that smile, he was desperately hiding the raw burning in his throat.
(I didn't sleep. Not a wink.)
The night before, in his hotel room, Takashi had been tormented by coughing all night. The taste of blood had risen from the back of his throat again and again. The red stains he'd coughed into the sink — he'd wiped them away with tissue and buried them at the bottom of the trash can.
(Don't let them find out. Whatever happens, don't let them find out.)
Takashi told himself this, staring at his reflection.
That was when it happened.
Kai's phone, left on the dressing room table, chimed with a notification. The screen lit up for a moment.
Ryouga happened to be passing by.
His gaze fell on it, almost absently.
And then Ryouga's feet stopped dead.
What was on the screen was a search history.
"Causes of coughing up blood." "Young man vomiting blood illness." "Blood in cough won't stop."
Ryouga stared at the words as if trying to devour them.
(This is... Kai's phone.)
Something clicked into place in Ryouga's mind.
"...Kai."
Ryouga's voice was low and cold.
"Hm? What is it, Ryouga?"
Kai turned around.
"What is the meaning of this?"
Ryouga picked up Kai's phone and held the screen toward him.
The color drained from Kai's face in an instant.
"...Why are you looking at that?"
Kai's voice dropped.
"It was an accident. Your phone lit up with a notification. That's all. The problem is what's on it."
Ryouga took a step closer to Kai.
"Causes of coughing up blood? Whose search is this? Answer me."
The air in the dressing room froze solid.
Yuuki watched the two of them anxiously. Takashi stayed hunched over in front of the mirror, his back turned.
"...It's none of your business."
Kai looked Ryouga straight in the eye.
"None of my business? Don't be absurd. I'm the leader of this group. If something's wrong with a member, I have an obligation to know."
Ryouga's voice rose.
"Answer me. Who did you search this for?"
Kai bit down on his lip.
(I can't hide it anymore.)
Something inside Kai's chest snapped.
"...Takashi."
Kai said it quietly.
"Takashi's been coughing up blood. Since the first day of the tour. The whole time. I knew. I kept quiet. Because Takashi asked me to."
Silence fell over the dressing room.
Ryouga said nothing for a long moment.
His black eyes simply bore into Kai, as if trying to pierce through him.
"...Since the first day?"
Ryouga's voice trembled with disbelief.
"You knew, and you kept silent? While the tour went on? While Takashi went up on that stage?"
"Takashi said he wanted to see it through to the end. I couldn't stop him."
"You couldn't stop him?"
Ryouga's voice exploded.
"Your unilateral decision put this entire group at risk! What happens if Takashi collapses on stage? The tour gets canceled. Our reputation is destroyed. Can you take responsibility for that?!"
"You're worried about the tour more than Takashi's body?!"
Kai shouted back.
"Takashi is about to collapse! And you're telling him to stand on that stage?! Don't you understand other people's pain?!"
"Your softness is what will destroy this group! If Takashi collapses, everything ends. Don't you get that?!"
Their shouts echoed through the dressing room.
Yuuki pressed both hands over his mouth, shaking.
That was when it happened.
"...Me too."
Yuuki's voice was thin, barely audible.
"I knew too. Since before the Osaka show, something was wrong with Takashi. He looked pale, he couldn't stop coughing... but I couldn't say anything. I read the room, I laughed it off... I'm sorry."
Tears spilled from Yuuki's eyes.
"I was scared. That if I told Takashi not to push himself, he might hate me. That the mood in the group might get even worse. So I couldn't say anything... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Yuuki sank to the floor and broke down sobbing.
Only his choked cries echoed through the dressing room.
Ryouga stared down at him, stunned.
(Yuuki too... he was hiding it.)
Ryouga's anger was no longer directed at Kai alone.
It swelled, expanding to encompass the entire group.
"...So everyone was hiding something."
Ryouga's voice had gone beyond anger — it was ice.
"I knew nothing. And I'm supposed to be the leader. Nothing at all."
Ryouga stared at his own hands.
They were trembling faintly.
* * *
In the corner of the dressing room, a boy stood frozen, his face ashen.
The youngest — Haru of Car 14. Only fourteen, he couldn't comprehend what was happening amid the shouting and the tears.
"...I didn't know anything."
Haru's voice shook.
"That Takashi was coughing up blood... nobody told me."
Tears welled in Haru's eyes.
"I was the only one left out. Everyone knew. Except me."
No one could answer him.
Kai bit his lip and looked down.
Yuuki kept crying.
Ryouga punched the wall.
A dull thud echoed through the dressing room.
"...This is the worst."
Ryouga forced the words out.
"The group is already falling apart. We kept secrets from each other. There was never any trust to begin with."
At those words, Kai raised his head.
"No. It's not that there was no trust. You destroyed it."
Kai's voice was low, filled with rage.
"You ignored Takashi's SOS. You prioritized the tour's success above everything. You wouldn't allow anyone to show weakness. And this is the result."
"...You're saying it's my fault."
"Yes. It's your fault. At least, part of it is."
Their gazes clashed violently.
That was when it happened.
"...Everyone, I'm sorry."
Takashi's voice rang quietly through the dressing room.
Every eye turned to him.
Takashi slowly turned around from the mirror.
His face — anyone could see it had gone past its limit.
His lips had turned purple, deep shadows carved under his eyes. He looked like he could barely stand.
"It's my fault. All of it. I'm the one to blame. I hid how bad I was. I lied because I didn't want to worry anyone."
Takashi bowed his head deeply.
"I'm truly sorry. I broke the group."
"...If you're going to apologize, you should have rested from the start."
Ryouga's voice was cold.
"Apologizing after you've already collapsed is too late. Because of you, the group is on the verge of collapse. What were you hiding behind that smile? You betrayed us. You betrayed the fans."
Ryouga's words drove into Takashi's chest like blades.
Takashi couldn't lift his bowed head.
(It's my fault. All of it, my fault.)
Takashi's vision blurred with tears.
But he couldn't cry. If he cried, everyone would worry even more.
Takashi fought desperately to hold back the tears.
"...I know. It's my fault. I'm truly sorry."
Takashi bowed deeply once more.
"But please. Just let me do today's show. The fans in Fukuoka are waiting. This is right next to my hometown. If I leave a hole here, I can't face them."
"...You still intend to stand on that stage?"
Ryouga's voice had gone past exasperation — there was no emotion left in it at all.
"Please. Just today. After today, I'll go to the hospital, I promise."
Takashi pleaded, head still bowed.
"...Do what you want."
Ryouga spat the words and left the dressing room.
The door slammed shut with a violent sound.
A heavy silence remained.
Kai put his arm around Takashi's shoulders.
"...Takashi, don't push yourself. Rest today."
Kai's voice was gentle.
But Takashi shook his head.
"Kai, I'm sorry. I have to do this. If I don't, I feel like I'll stop being me."
Takashi's voice was shaking.
"Standing on stage is the reason I exist. If I lose that, I won't know what I'm living for anymore."
Kai couldn't say anything.
(I understand how Takashi feels. But even so.)
A deep helplessness spread through Kai's chest.
* * *
The Fukuoka show.
The venue was packed to capacity.
A sea of penlights rippled in the darkness.
Frenzy enveloped the entire arena.
But the expressions of the members standing in the wings were not bright — not one of them.
"...Let's go."
Ryouga's voice was like a machine's.
The members nodded in silence.
The music thundered.
Takashi put on his smile.
(Smile. Smile. The fans came to see my smile.)
Takashi
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