Last night's words were still spinning in her head. "You don't have to decide your own worth through someone else's eyes." That message from @silent_north_star. She'd read it over and over in bed, couldn't sleep, and by the time she noticed, the sky was already turning white. The morning train was packed. Riko gripped the hanging strap and gazed blankly at the scenery flowing past the window. (I still haven't replied to Ichikawa.) She hadn't sent it last night either. She didn't know how to answer his simple "Let's talk again sometime." She did think he was kind. She really did. But her fingers had stopped for reasons she couldn't quite understand herself. When she got off at Akasaka Station and passed through the ticket gate—— "Ayase." A familiar, gentle voice. She turned around. Ichikawa Yuma was waving from beyond the gate. His wavy brown hair, his light brown eyes that narrowed when they met hers. Hard to believe he was the same age as Director Mizuuchi—36 years old—with that soft, fluffy atmosphere about him. "[gentle]Good morning. I'm so glad we ran into each other again" Riko froze for a moment. "G-good morning. Were you in the area?" "I had a meeting in Marunouchi this morning, and I'm just heading back. Do you have a little time? There's a café nearby" Riko checked her watch. 8:15. She had 40 minutes before work. (There's no reason to say no...) She felt a little guilty about not replying last night, but turning him down while dragging that guilt along seemed wrong too. "A little would be fine..." "Great. It's just over there" —— Early morning Akasaka was quiet. The nighttime bustle seemed like a lie—few people in the alleyways. Walking side by side, only the sound of leather shoes and pumps echoed on the concrete. About five minutes' walk from Akasaka Station was "Capo di Luce"—an Italian café where Riko often stopped by alone on her way home from work. It was empty at this hour, and the morning sun streaming through the windows lit the seats with soft light. "[gentle]Do you come here often?" "Sometimes... on my way home from work" The end of the counter was usually her spot, but today they were seated at a table for two by the window. The smell of latte drifted through the air. She could faintly hear the barista steaming milk. Ichikawa glanced at the menu and spoke in a natural tone. "[gentle]The latte here is really good. Please, try it" "Thank you" They ordered two lattes, and there was a brief pause. Ichikawa wrapped both hands around his cup and began speaking softly. "[gentle]Actually, I've known about you for a long time" Riko stopped mid-sip. "...What?" "Through Mizuuchi. Back in university, he used to talk a lot about a girl from his kindergarten class" Something floated up in Riko's mind. Kindergarten. Sunflower class. She'd heard that Director Mizuuchi had been in the same class. But she barely remembered anything from back then. "[gentle]He said he remembered a girl from Sunflower class really well. So I always wanted to meet you someday" Ichikawa smiled, looking a little embarrassed. "And now, here we are, talking like this. So——I'll be honest with you" Riko sensed what was coming next. But she couldn't stop it. "[gentle]It might sound like an exaggeration to say I've liked you since back then. But the feeling of wanting to meet you was real, and now that we're talking like this, I realize I really do like you" His words were quiet and straightforward. Steam rose slowly from the latte. A bicycle passed by outside. Riko's left hand unconsciously twisted her fingers together under the table. An old habit. "...U-um" She had to say something. But what? "You don't have to rush" Ichikawa was smiling. Not pushy. Just calm. "[gentle]Take your time thinking about it. I just wanted to tell you" Riko nodded vaguely. She did feel happy. She really did. He was a kind person. But——something caught in her chest. She couldn't quite put it into words. —— She arrived at the office just after 9 o'clock. The usual Third Sales Department floor. Keyboard clicks, phone rings, the low hum of the copy machine. Everything should have sounded the same, but today it all felt distant somehow. Riko sat at her desk and opened her computer, but the text on the screen wouldn't sink in. (He's liked me since back then, huh.) Ichikawa's words looped in her mind. He'd been kind. Definitely kind. But——why did her fingers stop? Her clicking hand made a mistake. The columns in the quotation shifted. She clicked her tongue softly and pressed Ctrl+Z. "Ayase." A low voice. Riko instinctively straightened her posture. She didn't need to turn around to know. Director Mizuuchi. She turned slowly. Mizuuchi Shinichiro was looking at her from his desk. Neat black hair, the usual crease between his brows, and gray-tinged eyes. Those eyes seemed——a little sharper than usual. "[cold]Your concentration's off today" Riko flinched. "I-I'm sorry. It's nothing" "If it's nothing, then work. Your quotation columns are misaligned" "Y-yes, understood..." Director Mizuuchi said nothing more and returned his gaze to his documents. A short, businesslike exchange. But those words—"your concentration's off"—somehow pierced her chest. (He noticed.) Of course he did. Director Mizuuchi saw the smallest details better than anyone else in the department. If Riko was spacing out, he'd catch it immediately. That was all. But——Riko's eyes followed Director Mizuuchi's back for a moment. A straight back. Only his hands moved as he typed. He wasn't looking at her. (Is what Ichikawa said true? That he remembers the girl from Sunflower class well?) Director Mizuuchi had her in his memories. That felt strange somehow. But Riko had almost no memories from back then. She didn't know what kind of child she'd been, who she'd played with. It was all vague. It was asymmetrical, she thought. Director Mizuuchi remembered, but Riko had nothing. —— Through lunch and into the afternoon, Ichikawa's confession stayed lodged somewhere in her mind. Riko managed to finish the quotations, sent emails to clients, and compiled materials for meetings. The work routine was so ingrained in her body that the tasks progressed. But each time she finished something, she'd think about it again. (What do I actually want?) Ichikawa was kind. He'd shown her a different side of Director Mizuuchi, told her interesting stories from university, and waited for her at her own pace. That was undeniable. But——Director Mizuuchi's cold gaze kept nagging at her. "Your concentration's off." A rebuke. A supervisor's observation. There was nothing special about it. She knew that. She knew it, and yet——why couldn't she stop thinking about it? —— Night. Her apartment in Nakameguro, third floor. Riko curled up on the sofa, trying to draw on her iPad, but her pen wouldn't move. The spring street corner sketch she'd posted earlier had gotten a few comments. "Cute." "Nice colors." Each small notification of a like made her feel a little lighter. Then, after a while——her phone vibrated. A direct message from @silent_north_star. Riko slowly opened it. 'Seems like something difficult happened today. Don't push yourself too hard.' Short words. No emojis. No emoticons. Simple as always——but warm. Riko stared at that single line for a while. (How do they know?) She hadn't posted anything today. Just her usual sketch. Yet this person wrote, "Seems like something difficult happened." Something in Riko began to quietly click into place. This message came on nights when Riko was down. Days when Director Mizuuchi scolded her. Days when things didn't go right. And today——when she was shaken by Ichikawa's confession, when Director Mizuuchi's gaze had pierced her, when she couldn't understand her own feelings. "Who is @silent_north_star?" She said it out loud. Riko held her phone and looked toward the balcony. The cherry blossom trees along the Meguro River were dimly lit by streetlights in the night darkness. Ichikawa's words surfaced again. "He remembered a girl from Sunflower class really well." Director Mizuuchi's back came to mind. "Your concentration's off." If that sharp gaze from this afternoon and this gentle message from tonight came from the same person—— Riko caught herself and quickly pushed the thought away. (No way. That's impossible.) But if—— Riko took a deep breath. Ichikawa was kind, honest, and looked at her straightforwardly. She believed that was real. Director Mizuuchi was cold, strict, and impossible to read. But that night in the break room, she still remembered how the crease between his brows had softened just slightly on his profile. And these anonymous words came only on her difficult nights. Three feelings spun inside her. Every time she tried to sort them out, something else caught, and she was back at the beginning. The phone screen went dark. Riko opened @silent_north_star's page again. No profile picture. Username "@silent_north_star"——the quiet northern star, perhaps. 'Seems like something difficult happened today. Don't push yourself too hard.' She couldn't see the face of the person who'd typed these words. But——where was this person right now? What were they doing? Suddenly, that mattered more than anything.