Pseudo-Harem Academy: I Can't Stop Acting Around Senpai!
Nanakura Rin has a problem: whenever she's around Eiji-senpai, the boy she likes, her mouth moves on its own—and out comes a flawless tsundere, little-devil, or clingy-girl performance. One girl playing every heroine role? To Eiji, that's comedy gold. To Rin, it's armor. Ever since a middle school play went horribly wrong, she's been terrified of letting anyone see the real her—especially the senpai who calls her "the ultimate harem" without a clue.
But when the drama club announces a romance p
Pseudo-Harem Academy: I Can't Stop Acting Around Senpai! - Me, Who Am I? ~The Vanished True Face and the Unknown Senpai~
The drama club room after school. Tucked at the end of the third floor of the second building, this converted storage room still smelled of old wood and dust. The posters from past performances plastered across one wall looked faded in the evening sun. Outside the window, the camphor tree in the courtyard swayed in the breeze.
One week left until the culture festival.
Nanakura Rin stood before the full-length mirror in the corner of the room. Her shoulder-length black hair shimmered, translucent in the light from the window. Her large, deep-brown eyes stared steadily at her reflection. A small silver earring on her left ear glinted faintly.
"...Whatever. It's not like I'm practicing for your sake."
The Rin in the mirror spoke with her tsundere face.
"Senpai, you know, I'm feeling a little spoiled today."
The voice of the clingy girl.
"Oh my, senpai. Staring at me so intently—what's the matter? Is there something you want me to do?"
The little-devil smile.
"...Not interested."
The cool girl's icy voice.
Rin just stared at herself in the mirror.
Every face should be my face.
Every voice should be my voice.
"...Who am I?"
Her own voice didn't sound like her own.
Something cold seeped through her chest. Her fingertips gripped the cuff of her uniform. The bandage wrapped around her right index finger looked tiny in the mirror.
"Big sis! I brought snacks!"
The club room door burst open.
Ayaka, still carrying her school backpack, came running in with her friend Moe at her heels. Ayaka was in first grade. Moe was the same age.
"Rin, hi! Today we got crepes from the shop in the shopping district!"
Moe hugged a paper bag with both hands, beaming.
"Huh—you two, what are you doing here?"
Rin turned away from the mirror.
"I thought your face looked tired! You've been working so hard for the culture festival, right?"
Ayaka peered up at Rin's face from below.
"...Tired?"
Rin touched her own cheek.
"Yeah. Something about your face looks a little... off, big sis."
Ayaka tilted her head.
Rin made herself smile.
"I'm fine. I was just thinking about something."
Lift the corners of the mouth, narrow the eyes. A perfect, gentle big-sister smile.
But even that smile was an act.
(Acting again. Even for my little sister, I'm acting.)
A sharp ache stabbed through her chest.
"Big sis, this one's strawberry! It's your favorite, Rin!"
Moe pulled a crepe from the bag.
"Thank you, Moe. I'll eat it later."
Rin gently patted Moe's head.
"Big sis, don't push yourself too hard, okay?"
Ayaka took Rin's hand.
The small hand was warm.
"...Yeah. Thank you."
Rin squeezed Ayaka's hand back.
(I'm the one who's pushing herself too hard.)
—Clatter.
The club room door opened again.
"Oh, Rin's little sisters came again! Energetic as always!"
Eiji came in carrying a set piece panel. His light-brown, messy mop of hair clung to his forehead with sweat. His dark-brown eyes crinkled into crescent moons when he smiled. The small scar on his left eyebrow caught the evening light.
"Eiji!"
"Hi, Eiji!"
Ayaka and Moe ran to him.
"Hey, you two—crepes today? Nice!"
Eiji peeked into the paper bag.
"There's one for you too, Eiji! Chocolate banana!"
Moe held out another crepe.
"Seriously?! Thanks, Moe! Oh man, that looks good!"
Eiji took the crepe and grinned happily.
(Senpai's always smiling. No matter what face I'm making.)
Rin thought as she watched him.
"Rin, you eat too. Your face looks kinda pale."
Eiji peered at her face.
"Huh—pale...?"
"Yeah. Here, this one's strawberry, right? Eating'll perk you up!"
Eiji held the crepe out to her.
"...Thank you."
Rin took the crepe.
Her fingertips brushed his, just barely.
Her heart gave a sharp leap.
"Rin-senpai, Eiji-senpai—good work today!"
A cheerful voice rang through the club room.
Shirasawa Kiri stood in the doorway. Her bright chestnut semi-long hair bounced with every step. Her round amber eyes darted around the room. A tiny star-shaped pin in her hair sparkled.
"Oh, Kiri—good work!"
Eiji raised a hand.
"Kiri, good work."
Rin set the crepe on the desk.
"Huh, Rin-senpai, you're not eating your crepe? What a waste!"
Kiri stared at the crepe on the desk.
"I'll eat it later. Right now I want to focus on practice."
Rin picked up her script.
"You're so serious today too, Rin-senpai! I've got to follow your example!"
Kiri bobbed her head in a little bow.
"Kiri, you're fine just the way you are. Your acting cheers people up."
Rin smiled at her.
(This girl is honest in a way I'm not. She's straightforward.)
(That's why she's so dazzling.)
"Oh, right! Rin-senpai, I actually went to the same middle school as you!"
Kiri said it out of nowhere.
Rin's hand tightened on the script.
"...Same middle school?"
"Yes! I went to the same middle school as Eiji-senpai!"
Kiri looked at Eiji.
"Wait, Kiri, you went to my middle school?"
Eiji's eyes went wide.
"Yes! I saw your stage performance in my first year of middle school. You were so cool back then. They called you the ace of the drama club—and you were so kind to your underclassmen!"
Kiri spoke happily.
"Ah, middle school, huh. I was pretty strict back then, you know? I made the underclassmen do vocal drills over and over."
Eiji laughed, a little embarrassed.
"But you were kind! Watching you on stage made me want to join the drama club!"
Kiri's voice bubbled with excitement.
Rin just listened to the two of them.
(Kiri knows a senpai I don't.)
(The senpai from middle school. The ace of the drama club. The kind senpai who cared about his underclassmen.)
(There's a senpai I don't know.)
Something cold spread through her chest.
Alienation.
Jealousy.
A black feeling she couldn't put into words welled up from the bottom of her heart.
"...I see. I didn't know."
Her own voice was so cold it startled her.
"Rin-senpai?"
Kiri peered at her with concern.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
Rin looked away from her.
"Rin, what's wrong? You look worse than before."
Eiji reached for her shoulder.
Rin dodged his hand.
"...I'm fine. Let's start practice."
Rin opened her script.
The pages fluttered.
The lover's scene.
The scene where the heroine, Lirina, confesses to Eiji.
"Rin, are you really okay? Don't push yourself."
Eiji stood beside her.
"I'm fine. Are you sure you remember your lines, senpai?"
Rin said without looking at him.
"Hey, I'm perfect! I practiced at home a bunch of times yesterday!"
Eiji puffed out his chest.
"Then let's begin."
Rin took a deep breath.
"Lirina, what's wrong? You've got such a troubled look."
Eiji spoke in Eiji-the-character's voice.
Rin opened her mouth.
The lines wouldn't come.
Her mind went completely blank.
"...Huh."
The moment she looked at Eiji's face, something raced through her head.
A memory from middle school.
Standing on stage as her real self.
The audience's cold stares.
"What is that?" "She's terrible." "So boring."
The whispers revived deep in her ears.
—I failed as my real self.
"Rin?"
Eiji's voice sounded far away.
Her lines were gone.
Completely gone.
"...I'm sorry."
Rin hung her head.
The air in the club room froze.
Silence.
No one said anything.
"Rin."
A low voice echoed through the room.
Club president Nakayama Motokuni stood in the doorway. Tall, with sharp features. His narrow, long eyes fixed straight on Rin. The old wristwatch on his left wrist seemed to tick loudly.
"President..."
Rin's voice trembled.
"Go home for today. If you can't pull this together before the performance, we change the program."
Nakayama's voice was quiet.
But his words cut like a blade.
"...I'm sorry."
Rin apologized in a small voice.
She gathered her things and fled the club room.
She ran down the hallway.
The setting sun poured through the corridor windows, stretching her shadow long.
Tears spilled over.
She couldn't stop them.
—The Nanakura house.
Rin's room.
Rin lay on her bed.
She'd pulled the blanket over her head, hugging her knees.
"I'm such an idiot..."
Tears soaked the pillow.
"The president gave me a chance, and I ruined everything."
Her voice shook.
"Big sis, are you okay?"
Ayaka's voice came from outside the door.
"...I'm okay."
Rin answered from under the blanket.
"You're not okay. You're crying, aren't you?"
Ayaka came into the room.
Small footsteps approached.
"...I'm not crying."
Rin gripped the blanket tight.
"You're doing your best, Rin! I know it!"
Moe's voice too.
"Even if I try, I can't be my real self..."
Rin's voice was a mess of tears.
"I told you, I like you just the way you are!"
Ayaka shook the blanket.
"...Just the way I am—what does that even mean? What is 'me'?"
Rin poked her face out from the blanket.
Her tear-streaked face was lit by the moonlight.
"Big sis is big sis."
Ayaka peered at her.
"...Even if you say that, I don't understand."
Rin pulled the blanket back over her head.
"Big sis..."
Ayaka's voice wavered sadly.
"Sorry, Ayaka. I want to be alone."
Rin murmured from under the blanket.
Ayaka and Moe's footsteps faded away.
The room went quiet.
Rin kept crying, alone.
—The next day.
The drama club room after school.
Rin had arrived before anyone else.
She opened her script.
The words wouldn't sink in.
"...Tsundere. Cool. Little devil. Clingy."
Rin stood before the mirror.
"Which one is the real me?"
Her reflection looked back at her, on the verge of tears.
—Clatter.
The club room door opened quietly.
"Rin-senpai, hello."
Kiri came in.
Her usual cheerful voice was a little smaller today.
"Kiri, hello."
Rin looked away from the mirror.
"Rin-senpai, I'm sorry about yesterday. I couldn't read the room..."
Kiri hung her head.
"It's not your fault, Kiri. I'm just weak."
Rin smiled at her.
But that smile was an act too.
"It's not that I've come to dislike you, Rin-senpai. If anything, I'd like to see the real you..."
Kiri looked straight into Rin's eyes.
"...Nobody wants to see the real me."
Rin murmured softly.
"Rin-senpai..."
Kiri started to say something, then closed her mouth.
She didn't know how to respond.
That was the look on her face.
—Clatter.
The club room door opened again.
"Rin, today's after-school rehearsal is the last one. If it doesn't work, I'm really changing the program."
Nakayama came in.
"...Yes."
Rin answered in a small voice.
Her face was pale.
"Rin, it'll be fine! I'll do my part properly too!"
Eiji gave her back a light pat.
"...Thank you."
Rin answered without looking at him.
(Senpai's words weigh so heavy.)
(If only I could do it right. If only I could show my real self.)
(But I can't. If I do, senpai will surely hate me.)
Practice began.
Rin's lines failed again.
She stalled on the third line.
When Eiji called "Lirina?" she opened her mouth and closed it. Her throat went dry, her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. The fingers holding the script trembled, and the paper's edge rustled.
"...Once more."
Rin bowed her head and started from the top.
This time she couldn't get the words out on the second line.
"Rin."
"...Once more, please."
Rin traced the same line with her eyes over and over. The letters blurred as if soaked in water.
The fourth try. Rin spoke the lines. Her voice came out. But the moment she looked at Eiji's face, her throat seized. The sound thinned and crumpled midway.
The second hand of the club room clock sounded absurdly loud.
"Rin. Rehearsal's canceled for today. Go look at your own face in the mirror. If you can't do that, then tomorrow I'm formally deciding to change the program."
Nakayama closed his script.
"President, that's..."
"Eiji, keep quiet. The kinder you are, the less room Rin has to run."
Nakayama didn't look at Rin.
Rin clutched the script to her chest and left the room.
She walked down the hallway. She couldn't run. With every step, the back of her knees cramped. The setting sun dyed the cor
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