Confessions From the Shadows: My Eyes Were Always on You, Sakura Miko
Hololive Production. A place where countless talents sparkle and shine. Everyone's eyes are glued to the stars laughing on stage. But not mine. My eyes were always on that girl in the corner of the hallway, practicing her dance moves desperately, messing up again and again.
My name is Shirase Kotone. As a plain, ordinary staff member, I have always watched her from the shadows. Miko-senpai—Sakura Miko. A person who stumbles so many times, looks like she's about to burst into tears, yet still ma
Confessions From the Shadows: My Eyes Were Always on You, Sakura Miko - A Direct Negotiation and a Secret Just for Two
The morning light quietly filtered into the sixth floor of Cover Tower.
At her desk, three rows back from the window, Shirasawa Kotone stared intently at her monitor. She was thinking about last night. The image of Miko-senpai crying in the basement wouldn't fade from the back of her eyelids. Kotone slipped her hands into the pockets of her dark green staff jumper and let out a small breath.
*(Just watching isn't enough.)*
Something she'd decided last night, alone in her room. Now, she would act on it.
Ten in the morning. Only about a third of the staff were seated in the manager department office. Everyone else was either out or had gone down to the floor to support streams. Kotone stood up. Her black bob cut, trimmed neatly at the shoulders, caught the morning light and looked faintly brown. Her large, cat-like brown eyes fixed squarely on one corner of the office.
"...Excuse me, Tachibana-san. Do you have a moment?"
Her voice was so small it surprised even her. But her eyes were different.
Team leader Tachibana Ryou lifted his head, his short, neat black hair just beginning to show flecks of gray. His tired yet gentle brown eyes gazed at Kotone from behind his glasses. He touched the back of his neck with his right hand. A habit he had when something was on his mind.
"...Hmm. Sure. What is it?"
Kotone stood before his desk. She clenched her fists tightly. Her fingertips trembled slightly.
*(I have to say it. I have to tell him properly.)*
Something pulsed deep in her chest.
"I was wondering... if you would let me be Sakura Miko-san's dedicated support."
Ryou's hand stopped on the back of his neck.
The air in the office seemed to shift for just a moment. The sound of a printer in the distance. Someone typing on a keyboard. And yet, the space around this desk was quiet, as if it were somewhere else entirely.
Ryou said nothing. He removed his glasses. Then, slowly, he looked into Kotone's eyes.
"...Your eyes have changed."
Kotone's back straightened.
Ryou folded his glasses and placed them on the desk. His face, past thirty and more on the gentle side, now wore an expression she couldn't read.
"Shirasawa-san. You've been with the company for a year and four months, correct?"
"Yes."
"You've worked diligently the whole time. You're observant. Your lack of presence is a drawback, but..."
Ryou paused here and looked into Kotone's eyes again. Those eyes had shifted from their usual gentle, fatherly look to something heavier.
"The Talent Relations Guidelines — the TRG. You know about them, of course."
Kotone felt her breath catch.
The TRG. Internal regulations prohibiting private, intimate relationships between talent and staff. Violation meant reassignment, or in the worst case, termination. A rule born from the "Nanasan Incident" three years ago — that scandal where a staff member and a talent's relationship was reported in a weekly magazine, shaking the entire company.
*(I know. I know, but...)*
"...I am aware of them."
Her voice grew smaller. But she didn't look away from Ryou.
"The TRG isn't just a rule for show. It's a rule to protect the talent, and at the same time — it's also a rule to protect the staff."
Ryou's voice was gentle, but Kotone could feel the hard core beneath it. These were the weighty words of someone who had witnessed the Nanasan Incident up close three years ago.
"Be careful about your distance from the talent. One wrong step, and it becomes irreversible."
*(I know. I know, but—)*
Kotone clenched her fists again, the ones that had been trembling moments before.
"...Even so, I..."
Her voice shook. It always did when she tried to say something important.
"I just... want to protect her."
Ryou was silent for a while.
His right hand touched the back of his neck again. Then, he let out a deep sigh.
"...Hmm."
When this verbal tic came out, it meant he was thinking.
"Alright. For now, go to the third-floor streaming studio as an observer and support."
Kotone's heart leaped.
"...Is that alright?"
"Within the scope of support duties. Understand? Don't step beyond that."
Ryou's eyes, from behind his glasses, fixed on Kotone once more. It was a warning, and also concern — and a complex look that held just a hint of encouragement.
"Thank you very much."
Kotone bowed deeply. Her employee ID card swayed faintly in the chest pocket of her dark green jumper.
*(That's the first step.)*
Nothing had started yet. But until yesterday, she had only been watching. From today, things were different.
Feeling Ryou's worried gaze on her back, Kotone left the office.
She walked briskly down the hallway. Normally so lacking in presence that people bumped into her, today no one did. Maybe her presence had grown just a little stronger.
She got into the elevator and pressed the button for the third floor.
Just as the doors were closing, she saw Ryou still watching her.
The third-floor streaming studio floor was a little quieter than usual.
Still, out of the eight personal streaming booths, several had red "in use" lamps lit. A staff member from the technical department in charge of equipment hurried past in the hallway.
Kotone stood in front of room 3-C. Miko-senpai's streaming booth.
She could hear a voice from inside.
"Huh, wha...? It disconnected... au au..."
Miko's voice.
Kotone gently knocked on the door.
"...Um, this is Shirasawa from the manager department. I've come to help with the equipment."
She waited for a reply, then opened the door.
A small streaming booth, about six tatami mats in size. Surrounded by soundproof walls, two monitors and streaming equipment were crammed into the space. On the wall were clumsy illustrations Miko had likely drawn herself. Doodles of cherry blossoms and rabbits.
And there — was Sakura Miko.
Her waist-length cherry blossom pink hair shone softly under the fluorescent lights. Her wide, reddish-pink eyes looked up at Kotone with a troubled expression. In her right hand, she held a hopelessly tangled headset cord, and with her left, she was trying to press buttons on the streaming equipment with fingers covered in band-aids.
*(So close.)*
This was the first time she'd seen her this close.
"Ah, staff-san! I'm so glad..."
Miko's face brightened instantly. A smile a little more relaxed than the one she showed on stream, but still warm.
Kotone felt a gentle warmth spread through the center of her chest.
"...Equipment trouble, I see. May I take a look?"
She spoke more slowly than usual, trying to keep her voice from shaking.
"Sorry 'bout this... I kinda panicked and pulled the cord, and it got all tangled up."
Miko laughed sheepishly as she held out the tangled mess of cord. Her fingertips were trembling slightly.
Kotone took the cord and began deftly untangling it. At the same time, she checked the equipment's connection status. The light on the audio interface was blinking. The settings were off. Kotone typed on the keyboard and restored the settings.
*(Miko-senpai's fingers were trembling.)*
Pulling the cord wasn't just from panic. It was probably from fear of streaming. Yesterday's flaming incident was still weighing on her heart.
"...This should be fine now."
When Kotone looked up, Miko was staring at her.
"...Um, you're Shirasawa-san, right?"
Miko's voice was a little smaller than before.
"...You knew who I was?"
"Of course I do! I always remember all the staff members' names! ...Well, I mess up sometimes, though."
Miko laughed. But that smile felt a little different from the one she wore on stream.
"...Streaming's gotten a little scary."
Suddenly, Miko murmured the words.
Kotone's hands stopped.
"I end up reading the comments. I know I shouldn't, but... I still read them. And then, all I see are the mean ones..."
Miko's hands clenched tightly on her lap. Her band-aid-covered fingers turned white.
"...But my fans are waiting for me. So I have to stream."
Kotone searched for words. She wanted to say something. But there weren't many words she could say from her position as staff. The wall of the TRG flickered in the corner of her mind.
"...I'll support you with the equipment. If anything happens, please call me anytime."
That was the best she could do.
Miko's eyes widened slightly, and then — she smiled softly.
"...Thank you."
That smile was much gentler than before. Not the bright smile for streaming, but a more natural expression.
Something deep in Kotone's chest grew faintly warm.
*(I want to support this person.)*
But she was still afraid to put a name to that feeling.
Afternoon.
When she returned to the manager department office, the air felt a little different. Several staff members were hurrying, carrying documents as if chased by something. Kotone started to head back to her desk, but stopped in front of the hallway bulletin board.
"Hikarima" — the talent-exclusive waiting room and lounge on the eighth floor. It had twelve sofa seats, a drink bar, and a snack corner. There was an unspoken rule that staff didn't enter unless they had business there.
But now, she had business.
In Kotone's hand was a script Miko had left behind in the streaming booth.
She took the elevator to the eighth floor.
The door to Hikarima felt a little heavier than usual. This was the talents' sanctuary. It wasn't a place for a staff member like her to barge in. But delivering a script was work.
She quietly opened the door.
It was quieter inside than she'd expected. Most of the sofa seats were empty, and the afternoon sunlight streamed in through the windows. The coffee machine at the drink bar emitted a low hum.
On the sofa furthest back — Miko-senpai was sitting alone.
Kotone held her breath for a moment.
*(We're alone.)*
Miko was looking down and hadn't noticed her. Her cherry blossom hair fell from her shoulders, hiding her face.
Kotone slowly approached.
"...Um, you forgot your script."
Miko's shoulders gave a small jump.
"Eh! Ah, sorry! Thanks for going out of your way!"
Miko looked up and put on a smile. But — Kotone's sharp observational skills didn't miss it. Her eyes were a little red.
*(Was she crying?)*
Her heart clenched.
Miko took the script. Her fingertips brushed ever so slightly against Kotone's hand.
In that instant.
The smile vanished from Miko's face.
"...Um."
Her voice was trembling.
"That night... the person in front of the basement restroom... that was you, wasn't it, Kotone-san?"
Kotone's heart gave a huge, pounding leap.
Her mind went completely blank.
*(She noticed.)*
That night, she had found Miko crying in the basement. She hadn't been able to do anything. She'd just sat on the tiles, unable to call out to her. But — Miko had noticed her.
"I'm sorry... I should have said something then."
Kotone forced the words out.
Miko shook her head.
"No. Just knowing you noticed... made me a little happy."
Miko's eyes were glistening. Even so, she was desperately trying to make a smile, and Kotone could feel it painfully.
"...Please don't tell anyone. That I was crying. That I showed my weakness."
Miko's voice was barely a whisper.
"...Of course. I won't tell anyone, ever."
Kotone said it. This time, her voice didn't shake.
Miko's eyes widened a little, and then — her face relaxed just a tiny bit, as if relieved.
"...Thank you. This is a secret just between Miko and Kotone-san."
*(A secret just between the two of us.)*
Kotone's heart pounded. It was a flutter unlike any emotion she'd felt until yesterday.
The boundary line between staff and talent melted just a little — the moment something new was born.
Kotone nodded deeply. She couldn't say anything more. If she did, she felt like all her feelings would overflow.
Evening.
Back at the sixth-floor office, Kotone was trying to write today's report at her desk. But her hands, typing on the keyboard, stopped midway.
*(A secret just between the two of us.)*
Miko-senpai's words repeated over and over in her head.
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