Confessions From the Shadows: My Eyes Were Always on You, Sakura Miko
Hololive Production. A place where countless talents sparkle and shine. Everyone's eyes are glued to the stars laughing on stage. But not mine. My eyes were always on that girl in the corner of the hallway, practicing her dance moves desperately, messing up again and again.
My name is Shirase Kotone. As a plain, ordinary staff member, I have always watched her from the shadows. Miko-senpai—Sakura Miko. A person who stumbles so many times, looks like she's about to burst into tears, yet still ma
Confessions From the Shadows: My Eyes Were Always on You, Sakura Miko - If I can't have you—these feelings tear me apart.
The morning light streamed coldly into the manager department office on the sixth floor of Cover Tower.
In the third row from the window, Shirasawa Kotone sat at her desk, utterly motionless. Her black hair, cut neatly at the shoulders, gleamed dully under the pale blue light of her monitor's standby screen. Her large brown eyes saw nothing.
Last night, Yukino had seized her secret. She had seen through the feelings Kotone had kept hidden—feelings betrayed by the way she looked at Miko-senpai.
(What am I supposed to do?)
Her fingertips trembled. Her mind was a tangled mess; she hadn't slept a single wink the night before. Yukino's pale, icy-blue eyes—the ones that seemed to see right through everything—and that triumphant, impish little smile wouldn't leave the back of her eyelids.
"Good morning, Shirasawa-san."
A voice fell upon her. Kotone's shoulders jolted, and she looked up.
Tachibana Ryou stood beside her desk. Neatly trimmed black hair, tired but gentle brown eyes behind his glasses—the same as always. But today, his right hand wasn't touching the back of his neck. Instead, he was staring intently at the tablet device in his hand.
"...Good morning."
Her voice was hoarse. Ryou furrowed his brow just slightly, then gave a small nod.
"There's a change to your duties starting today. I'll announce it at the morning meeting, but I'm telling you first."
Kotone's fingers clenched tightly at her skirt on her lap.
"Effective today, you'll be assigned to exclusive support for Kobayashi Yukino."
—Inside her head, something went completely blank.
"W-why...?! I'm in charge of Miko-senpai's—"
She had stood up before she knew it. Her chair clattered loudly to the floor behind her. For a moment, every gaze in the office gathered on Kotone.
Ryou didn't flinch. He took off his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. He only ever did that when he had to tell a subordinate something unpleasant.
"Yukino specifically requested you. Supporting the momentum of new talent is part of our job, too."
"But Miko-senpai's birthday event is so close... to be removed from her support now—"
"The support role is concurrent. However, your primary assignment shifts to Yukino. This is final, Shirasawa-san."
Ryou's voice was quiet, gentle—and precisely because of that, it cut like a blade. There was no room for argument.
Kotone just stood there, rooted to the spot. She felt like she was losing all sensation in her legs. A numb, tingling ache spread through the core of her head.
(Taken away... from Miko-senpai.)
Just that single fact tore a massive fissure through her chest.
And then—
"Wow, Ryou-san! You actually told her properly!"
A bouncy voice came from right nearby.
Yukino was standing just behind Kotone, as if she'd materialized out of nowhere. Her silver, straight hair—long enough to reach her back—swayed gently, and the small braid on the right side bounced. Her snow-like, pale icy-blue eyes sparkled with boundless curiosity.
She leaned her face close to Kotone's and whispered, so quietly that Ryou couldn't hear.
"I told you, didn't I? Don't get in my way. So I made this happen."
Kotone's breath nearly stopped.
"Oh, and also! Yukino wants to do a collab stream with Miko-senpai! Kotone-san, please set the whole thing up, okay~?"
Yukino tilted her head, wearing a triumphant smile. Her mouth was laughing, but her eyes weren't laughing at all.
Kotone's fingertips were trembling.
She desperately tried to keep her expression composed. But it felt like she was about to collapse, crumbling loudly from the very center of her being.
She had been formally removed from Miko-senpai's support.
Yukino had torn her away.
"...Kotone-san, I'm looking forward to working with you, okay?"
Yukino spoke in a voice that sounded sweet, almost coaxing—but one that completely sealed off any escape—meant for Kotone's ears alone.
The morning light cast cold shadows across the office floor.
And so, Kotone's day began.
Third floor, the streaming studio.
In the small monitor room in front of Room 3-C, Kotone sat alone in a chair. A bundle of cables was in her hand, an equipment case at her feet. But she hadn't been able to move a single finger for a long time now.
On the monitor, the inside of the streaming booth was displayed.
And there—Sakura Miko was there. Her long, waist-length sakura-pink hair was beautiful as always, and her large, bright pink eyes seemed to shine even through the monitor. Right next to her, Yukino was pressed close. The two of them were looking at the same screen, laughing together.
"Nya-hello~! I've got a special guest with me today~! It's Yukino-chan!"
"Everyone~! Look at this adorable senpai! It's Yukino's idol, Miko-senpai~!"
Kotone listened to their voices through the monitor.
The stream was a spin-off of the project they'd started after the flaming incident: the "Showing All Our Flaws Special." Laughing at failures together with someone. Miko was doing that—with Yukino.
The comment section scrolled by with fierce momentum.
*'Miko-chan and Yukino-chan have such amazing chemistry!'*
*'This combo is the best!'*
*'They're so heartwarming, like real sisters~'*
—Heartwarming.
Right in the center of Kotone's chest, something creaked.
"Yukino-chan, did that really happen?! Miko's never had a fail like that, nye!"
"It did happen~! Senpai, you fell right off your chair after the stream ended, didn't you!"
"H-how do you know about that?! No one was supposed to see that...!"
"Fufu, nothing escapes Yukino's notice!"
Miko's face turned bright red, and she started lightly smacking Yukino's shoulder. Yukino just laughed and let her.
Kotone gripped the cables in her hand, squeezing with all her strength.
(I was supposed to be in that spot.)
Even she herself thought what an ugly feeling this was. But she couldn't stop it.
Just then, Yukino suddenly looked away from the camera and brought her face close to Miko's.
"Hey, Miko-senpai. Who's your favorite among the staff?"
Kotone's heart leaped into her throat.
The microphone had picked up that voice. Miko thought for a moment, then laughed innocently.
"Ehh~... I wonder? Probably Ryou-san, I guess. He's reliable, like a dad."
"Ehh—! No fair! Then, what about Yukino? Do you like Yukino?"
"Of course I do! I love Yukino-chan too!"
"Yay! Then, then, what about Kotone-san? That quiet person who did the setup for us today, too."
Yukino glanced briefly at the camera beyond the monitor. It was as if she were speaking directly to Kotone, there in the monitor room.
Miko tilted her head, making a small thinking gesture.
"Kotone-san, huh... That person, she's kind of cold, isn't she."
—Cold.
Kotone's vision warped violently for a second.
Miko continued, her words innocent.
"She's always just watching from far away, and she doesn't really talk to me much... But she's super serious about her work, you know! She puts so much thought into the project plans."
"Ah, but is that what you like about her? Are you drawn to the cool, aloof staff member type?"
"O-oh, come on! That's not what I meant at all!"
The sound of their laughter came through the stream's speakers.
Kotone couldn't move.
A cold blade was lodged deep in her chest.
*I see.*
*So that's how Miko-senpai saw me.*
She had always watched over her from the shadows. Behind the scenes of her streams, she had witnessed efforts no one else knew about. In the corner of the hallway, her heart had ached seeing Miko cry alone. And yet—her feelings had only ever come across as nothing more than a "cold" sense of distance.
"Um..."
A voice that couldn't become a voice died in the back of her throat.
On the other side of the monitor, Miko was laughing, knowing nothing. Yukino flashed that impish little smile at the camera for just a moment, then immediately clung to Miko affectionately.
Without a sound, Kotone left the monitor room.
Afternoon.
Through the hallway windows, the weak winter sunlight slanted in.
Kotone, her arms full of a pile of equipment, was heading to the eighth-floor talent green room, "Hikarima." After the stream ended, Yukino had contacted her saying Miko had forgotten a hairpin, and she'd been told to deliver it.
(They're both still in the green room.)
With every step she took, her heart pounded a sickening beat. *Just deliver it quickly and leave right away.* Thinking that, she turned the corner.
—Her breath stopped.
The door to Hikarima was slightly ajar.
In front of it, two people stood.
Yukino was gently reaching out toward Miko's hair. Her long, white fingers touched the ends of the sakura-colored strands, carefully fixing a stray lock.
"Miko-senpai, your hair's a mess. Is it because you were moving around so much?"
"Ah, you're right. Thanks, Yukino-chan."
Yukino brought her face close to Miko's ear.
Kotone's eyes and Yukino's eyes met—for just an instant.
Yukino—smiled.
And then, deliberately flaunting it for Kotone to see, she whispered into Miko's ear.
"Senpai, today's stream was so much fun. Yukino... really loves you, senpai."
Miko's cheeks flushed slightly pink.
"Th-thank you... Yukino-chan, what's with you all of a sudden?"
"Hmm, no reason. I just felt like saying it."
Yukino pulled her hand away from Miko's hair, and this time, she turned clearly toward Kotone in the hallway. Her pale, icy-blue eyes narrowed like a cat eyeing its prey.
Inside Kotone, something began to break with an audible sound.
—*Crash.*
The sound of shattering glass echoed in her head.
The case full of equipment slipped from her hands. It made a loud noise, but she couldn't hear it anymore. Her ears were ringing. The scene before her eyes warped and twisted.
(*No. That spot... it should be me there.*)
(*No, no, no.*)
*Why?*
*Why can't I do that?*
*I can't get close to Miko-senpai.*
*Because I'm staff? Because of the TRG? Or is it—just because I'm a coward?*
Ugly jealousy. A thick, viscous possessiveness. Both of them swirled together into a chaotic mess inside her chest, and nausea welled up.
"...I'm sorry."
Her voice no longer reached anyone.
Kotone turned around, moved her legs mechanically, and started walking.
Walking.
Her pace quickened.
She broke into a run.
The hallway, the stairs, the cold air.
Everything receded into the distance.
To the basement. To the basement.
To the place where Miko had first cried alone.
She reached the basement.
She threw her body against the heavy emergency stairwell door, pushing it open, and rushed into the restroom stall as if being sucked in.
Leaning her hands on the toilet bowl, she caught the contents of her stomach rushing back up with a voiceless, silent scream.
The tears wouldn't stop.
She tried to stifle her sobs, failed, and sounds leaked out. She vomited with ugly noises, and still the tears wouldn't stop, her vision warping into a messy blur.
(*Why?*)
(*Why am I this ugly?*)
Her own face reflected in the mirror.
This face, stained with tears and vomit.
Miko-senpai had been laughing. Having fun with Yukino, genuinely having fun from the bottom of her heart.
(*I mustn't get in the way.*)
She knew that. Miko-senpai had the power to make people smile. She herself was just one tiny, insignificant person among that "someone."
(*But, if that's true—*)
"Then why... does it hurt this much...?"
Her trembling voice was swallowed by the cold tile walls and vanished.
There was a knock on the stall door from outside.
Kotone's heart froze solid.
This was the basement. No one was supposed to come here. No one except Miko, on that night.
"...Shirasawa-san, you're in there, aren't you."
It was Ryou's voice.
Kotone couldn't answer. The tears and sobs stole her voice away.
"I'm opening the door."
The door slowly opened.
Ryou stood there, his glasses off, looking down at Kotone with utterly exhausted eyes. He touched the back of his neck with his right hand—his usual habit when he sighed.
Without a word, Ryou crouched down next to Kotone. He sat right down on
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