Kazuma Sato, a second-year high school student, accidentally introduces himself as a hero from another world on his first day at a new school. That night, the naked goddess Aqua falls through his ceiling. She was supposed to take Kazuma to a fantasy world, but due to a paperwork error, both have been reborn as modern Japanese high school students. The next day, Megumin, a chuunibyou girl, and Darkness, a masochistic lady, also turn out to be reincarnated from that same world.
The four are force
Blessings on This Wonderful School Life! - Upperclassman is a Masochistic Knight! The Tragedy in the Staff Room and the Young Lady's Secret
"Hey, Kazuma, wake up! You're going to be late for school!"
A shrill voice echoed through the morning living room.
I, Satou Kazuma, pushed myself up from the sofa. My neck ached. I'd just come off a night shift yesterday and hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep. I wasn't even sure I remembered sleeping in a futon at all.
"……Shut up. I'm getting up."
I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the clock. 7:40 AM. Crap. I wasn't going to make first period.
"Kazuma. Is breakfast not ready yet? I am so hungry I could die."
A small girl sat primly in front of the table, her crimson eyes fixed on me. Black eyepatch, bandaged right hand, and a cape draped over her shoulders from the morning on. Same as always.
"Feed yourself. There's bread in the cupboard, right?"
"Are you telling me, a goddess, to make do with bread? I want rice and miso soup and grilled fish from the morning on."
Aqua shook her waist-length, water-blue hair and pouted in dissatisfaction. Her hair, as if wet, sparkled in the morning light. I'll admit she was beautiful, but the things she said were on the level of a princess or something.
"Like I care. There's no way we have fish. And seriously, can you two stop making me cook breakfast? I'm not your mother."
"Of course I know that. Kazuma is my one and only contractor, and a comrade on the path of explosion. Not a mother."
"That's not the point!"
I'd raised my voice first thing in the morning, and the blood rushed to my head. God, I was tired.
There were now two freeloaders living in the Satou household. The former goddess Amano Aqua, and the former explosion magic user Kurenai Megumin. Both of them had been reincarnated from the other world Verdina to modern Japan due to a procedural error.
And neither of them worked at all. Aqua had zero intention of working. Megumin made the excuse that she was "busy researching explosion magic," and after coming home from school she'd spend all her time on her perpetual futon, absorbed in a notebook that looked like a magic tome.
The household finances were a disaster. We still had nearly 450,000 yen in debt. I worked convenience store night shifts three times a week, and even then I had to cut back on food expenses every single day.
And yet.
"Kazuma! What are you making for my lunch today? I want tamagoyaki and karaage!"
"I request grilled salmon and white rice with pickled plum!"
"……Both of you get school lunch. Nobody brings a bento to high school."
I opened the fridge and sighed at how little was inside. Sausages, eggs, cabbage, tofu. And the last of the miso. I'd have to make do with this.
In the end, I half-heartedly fried some eggs, sautéed the sausages, and laid out an improvised breakfast. The two of them complained, but they cleaned their plates perfectly.
I got ready for school and pedaled off on my bicycle. October in Hinashi City was cold in the mornings and evenings. The wind was biting.
I passed through the school gate and entered the class 2-3 classroom. I sat in my usual seat, the one at the very back by the window. I no longer flinched at the stares around me. After a month as a transfer student, my classmates' interest had faded. I was settling into my place as the "chuunibyou transfer student," quietly passing my days in the corner of the classroom.
First period, Japanese. Our homeroom teacher, Miyahara Tadahiko, forty-two years old. The gentle-faced teacher read from the textbook in his usual slow tone.
My eyelids were heavy.
I'd had a night shift last night too, and barely slept. My consciousness was fading. Beyond the teacher's desk, Miyahara-sensei's face looked blurry.
No good. I was sleepy.
Half-dreaming, I nodded off, my head bobbing.
"——Satou-kun."
I snapped my head up. Miyahara-sensei was looking at me with a troubled expression.
"Satou-kun, come to the staff room later. I need to talk to you."
I could hear snickering from all around the classroom. Ah, here we go again. I let out a small sigh and slumped over my desk.
Lunch break.
I headed to the staff room with heavy steps.
The staff room was in the center of the second floor of the main building. When I opened the door, the unique atmosphere hit my nose—a mix of coffee smell and the ink of mountains of paperwork.
Miyahara-sensei's desk was at the very back, by the window.
"Satou-kun, over here."
I was called over and started heading that way, when—
"——So, you! How many times do I have to tell you?!"
A shout flew from the neighboring desk. A student guidance teacher was scolding a female student.
From the looks of it, she was an upperclassman. Wavy blonde hair. A posture with her back perfectly straight. A red jewel necklace at her neck. Her profile was so refined she could have been a model.
But.
That refined face was now slack and loose.
Every time the teacher yelled, her cheeks flushed, and her blue eyes grew moist with rapture. Her lips trembled, just slightly.
"You—why do you keep causing problems?!"
"Y-yes…… I'm very sorry……"
Despite the words of apology, her voice was somehow sweet and buoyant.
……What the hell was that.
I couldn't tear my eyes away. Every time she got yelled at, she was enjoying it? No, not just enjoying it—she was in ecstasy.
A chill ran down my spine.
(……Don't get involved. Pretend you didn't see anything.)
My instincts were screaming. That was the type of person you must never get involved with.
I turned around silently, without making a sound.
At that moment.
Clatter.
The sound of a chair falling over.
Before I could even turn back, someone had circled around in front of me. Golden hair swayed softly. That upperclassman.
"You're Satou Kazuma…… aren't you?"
She gripped my hand tightly with both of hers. Her hands were hot and sweaty.
"Wha—……huh? How do you know my name?"
My voice cracked at the suddenness of it all.
"I have seen your brilliant tsukkomi in the class 2-3 classroom several times. The splendid exchanges you have with your classmates, Megumin-san and Aqua-san."
She took another step closer to me, her expression still enraptured.
"Um, this is sudden, and truly shameless of me to ask…… but would you please, right here—no, anywhere private is fine—would you please call me scum?"
……Huh?
My brain completely froze for a moment.
"Please, Kazuma-san. I want you to squeeze me tight with those merciless, heart-piercing words of yours."
She uttered something outrageous with the casualness of inviting someone to lunch. Her blue eyes gleamed with anticipation.
"……No way."
The voice I squeezed out was terribly hoarse.
And then, I ran.
"Ah, please wait, Kazuma-san! When you run away so vigorously, it makes me want to chase you!"
Don't chase me!
I burst out of the staff room and sprinted down the hallway. Behind me, the patter of slippers followed.
Why?! Why is she chasing me?!
Me, Satou Kazuma. Second-year high school student. A man who just wants a perfectly ordinary, peaceful life. And yet, somehow, it always ends up like this.
I rounded a corner and ran down the stairs. I was out of breath. My legs were tangling. My lack of exercise was catching up with me.
When I looked back, that blonde upperclassman had actually kicked off her slippers and was chasing me barefoot at full speed.
"Kazuma-saaan! Please wait! I just want you to call me trash, garbage, useless, with all your might!"
"Stop it! Don't yell in the hallway! Don't chase me!"
I finally made it outside the school building, into the courtyard.
But there, I stopped in my tracks.
"Hm…… that insolent weirdo over there."
Megumin was in the courtyard. Apparently she'd been wandering the hallways looking for lunch side dishes. She narrowed her crimson eyes at me and Lalatina chasing me.
"Kazuma. Why are you being chased by a strange woman? Surely you're not going to say that, despite having me—the greatest roommate—you've set your eyes on another woman."
"No! That's completely wrong!"
"Um, Kazuma-san. Who is this small young lady? My, with an eyepatch and a cape—how adorable."
"I am not small! I am Megumin, genius magic user of the Crimson Demon Clan! Strange, seductive, blonde witch—get away from Kazuma!"
Lalatina looked at the angry Megumin, and for a moment, her eyes went wide.
And then, the next instant.
"Ah……"
Her cheeks flushed bright red.
"Th-this is…… genuine killing intent……! Ah, such a small body, threatening with all her might…… how wonderful……!"
"What is wrong with this woman?! Disgusting!"
I held my head in my hands.
It was hopeless.
She was beyond comprehension. This woman was a catastrophic weirdo, in a different vector from Aqua and Megumin.
"……Hah."
I let out a deep, deep sigh.
The upperclassman who called herself Lalatina saw my reaction and raised her voice in rapture.
"That sigh, so full of soul, as if you've given up on everything……! Wonderful! I've never experienced this before. A man who looked at me and felt such deep disappointment!"
"I'm not complimenting you! I'm definitely not complimenting you!"
"I understand. This is scolding, encouragement—no, a sublime blend of indifference and contempt, a supreme state that only Kazuma-san—no, not even the gods—can reach……. More, more, please. Call me an insect!"
Lalatina clasped her hands in front of her chest and gazed up at the sky in rapture.
Ah, I can't do this anymore.
After school.
I gave up on everything and decided to bring Lalatina home. More precisely, Lalatina, who had been chasing me, followed me all the way to the Satou house on her own.
When we arrived in front of the house, Lalatina said, as if deeply moved:
"So this is Kazuma-san's home……. I feel destiny."
"Don't feel it. Go home."
"Of course I have no intention of going home. Besides, Kazuma-san, I didn't just chase after you. I have something important to tell you."
Her face suddenly turned serious.
"My true name is Darkness. I am the daughter of the noble Dustiness family of the Kingdom of Verdina, and a former knight of the Royal Order."
……Ah, I knew it.
I'd had a feeling. This crazy upperclassman was the same type as Aqua and Megumin.
As I unlocked the front door, I listened to Lalatina—no, Darkness—speak.
"Ever since I came to this world, I have been searching. For someone who would accept and judge this hopeless, stirring, impure joy I feel at being scolded. But everyone in this world is too kind. No one will truly scold me. So I have continued searching."
Darkness spoke passionately.
"Your tsukkomi is wonderful. Merciless, cruel, and yet somehow warm. This is it! This is the scolding I have been seeking! Kazuma-san, please, grant me that whip of love!"
"……It's not a whip of love. It's just lecturing and tsukkomi."
At my words, Darkness hopped up and down.
"Ahaa…… you even corrected me without mercy……! You fixed my embarrassing mistake……! Thank you……! More, more, please criticize me more……!"
"Gross! Seriously gross! Why does it always turn out like this?!"
I unlocked the door with a click and stepped into the entryway. Darkness followed right behind me, barging in.
"I'm home—"
From the living room came the clatter of two sets of footsteps.
"Welcome back, Kazuma! Wait—huh? Who is that mean-looking blonde woman?!"
Aqua burst out into the entryway. Her water-blue hair swaying, she pointed at Darkness with triangular eyes.
"Huh? Wh-what? What's going on? Kazuma brought a woman who isn't me into the house……?"
Aqua's voice was rapidly turning tearful.
"C-calm down, Aqua. Let me introduce you. This masochist is Darkness. She's a new roommate. Nice to meet her."
When I said that, Aqua lunged forward.
"Roommate?! Why do you have to live with some blonde, sexy-looking, weird woman?! Kazuma, are you insane? You have me, the greatest goddess, right here!"
"Aqua, be quiet. If Kazuma says he will keep this beast, passing over me, the supreme explosion magic user, I shall go mad with jealousy
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