At Amanogawa Prefectural High, Hanabi Yasuoka is the perfect honor student everyone admires—but beneath her flawless smile lies a secret she's carried for years: she's in love with her homeroom teacher, Narumi Kanei, the gentle "big brother" who tutored her as a lonely child and promised to wait for her.
Mugi Awaya is the quiet, beautiful boy every girl wants—but the one he truly loves is a teacher who will never look his way.
When these two classmates discover each other's forbidden feelings,
Scum's Wish: The Secret Love That Never Was - A Secret Distance With My Brother
The cherry blossoms along the Amanooka River, visible from the classroom window, had almost completely fallen. In place of scattering petals, fresh green leaves swayed in the wind. Mid-April had come and gone, and the atmosphere of the new school term had settled into something calm.
For the few minutes before the opening bell, Yasuoka Hanabi traced the corner of the textbook on her desk with her fingertip. Her heart hadn't stopped racing since morning.
(Starting today, officially...)
Hanabi drew a small breath.
A week ago, they'd been told a new homeroom teacher was coming to their class. Not a temporary substitute—a full-time homeroom teacher. The moment she heard the news, Hanabi's chest made a strange sound. Happy, and scared. An emotion that was neither, swirling round and round.
(Kanei-sensei is going to be my homeroom teacher.)
He was the person she'd adored and called "big brother" since she was little. The most important person in Hanabi's world.
"Good morning, Hanabi-chan."
The girl in the seat behind her called out. Hanabi lifted her head bright and made a smile.
"Good morning. Nice weather again today, isn't it?"
"Right? But the cherry blossoms are already gone. Kind of lonely."
"Yeah. But the new leaves are pretty too."
Harmless small talk. Hanabi didn't mind moments like this. While she wore the mask of the model student, she could look away from the restlessness in her heart.
The classroom door slid open with a clatter.
Hanabi's heart leaped.
It was Kanei Narumi who walked in.
A twenty-eight-year-old Japanese literature teacher. Even by Hanabi's standards, Narumi wasn't a flashy person. He was tall, but there was something unreliable about his air, and the eyes behind his glasses always smiled gently. His suit tie was slightly crooked today.
(Ah—his tie is crooked.)
Hanabi almost let her lips loosen into a smile and hurriedly tightened them.
"Good morning. Starting today, I'll officially be serving as homeroom teacher for this class. Nice to meet you."
Narumi stood at the podium and said that to the whole class. His voice sounded just a little nervous.
(Is he nervous?)
Hanabi watched him with a feeling like something tightening deep in her chest.
"That said, we've already been face-to-face for a week, so it feels a bit late for introductions."
When Narumi laughed, looking embarrassed, small laughs leaked out from around the classroom.
(Big brother.)
Only in her heart did Hanabi whisper that word.
She wouldn't say it out loud. Never. This was school—Narumi was a teacher, and Hanabi was a student.
"All right, first period today is Japanese. Get out your textbooks."
Narumi's lessons were very easy to follow. His voice was calm, his explanations careful, and the little anecdotes he slipped in were funny. The students warmed to him immediately.
While taking notes, Hanabi glanced at Narumi from time to time.
(He hasn't changed at all since back then.)
When she was in elementary school, Hanabi used to go over to Narumi's house to play all the time. Narumi would teach her things, and Hanabi would call him "big brother" and cling to him. Narumi always laughed and patted her on the head.
Since then, always.
Hanabi's feelings had always stayed in the same place.
But to Narumi, Hanabi would forever be nothing more than "the little sister from back then."
That fact was both a joy and an ache.
Class ended, and Narumi began handing back the answer sheets.
"Yasuoka."
Hearing her name, Hanabi stood. She walked to the podium. Narumi held out the answer sheet with a soft smile.
"Your handwriting is really neat and lovely, Hanabi. It hasn't changed since you were little."
Those words were meant for Hanabi alone.
(He remembered. From back then.)
Something deep in Hanabi's chest warmed.
"Thank you. Your handwriting is beautiful too, sensei."
Hanabi returned it with the brightest smile she could manage. She was desperate to keep her voice from trembling.
"Mine's just messy scrawl. Being praised by you makes me embarrassed."
Narumi said that and scratched the back of his head, looking sheepish.
That gesture was so utterly innocent.
(Ah, I love him.)
Hanabi thought that, in her heart.
But the next moment, Narumi turned the same smile on another student.
"Yours could stand to be a little neater. I can't read it."
"Whaaat, that's harsh, sensei."
Listening to the exchange between Narumi and the boy, Hanabi returned to her seat.
(His smile isn't mine alone.)
Of course not. Narumi was a teacher, homeroom teacher to the whole class, equally kind to everyone.
Hanabi set the answer sheet on her desk and softly traced it with her finger.
(But he said it hasn't changed since back then.)
She repeated those words in her heart.
Happy—and yet something deep in her chest pricked with pain.
Hanabi already knew the name of this feeling.
(I want him to look only at me.)
It was a wish that wouldn't come true.
She knew it wouldn't.
And still, the one thing she couldn't stop was continuing to feel it.
After school.
Hanabi stood in front of the staff room.
In her hands was a file of career survey forms. Yesterday she'd collected everyone's in the class and organized them neatly.
(The career consultation is just an excuse.)
Hanabi made excuses to herself in her heart.
The truth was, she just wanted to talk to Narumi.
But a student discussing career plans with her homeroom teacher wasn't strange at all. Wearing the mask of the model student, Hanabi knocked on the staff room door.
"Excuse me."
Inside the staff room, since it was after school, the teachers each seemed busy in their own way. Hanabi headed straight for Narumi's desk.
Narumi was facing his desk, writing some kind of document.
"Kanei-sensei, I brought the career survey forms."
When Hanabi spoke, Narumi looked up and smiled brightly.
"Oh, thank you. That helps."
Narumi took the file and flipped through the contents.
"As always, you're quick with your work, Hanabi. You're really dependable. You've been like that since elementary school."
"Since back then" again.
Hanabi felt her heart pound.
"That's not true. I'm actually pretty scatterbrained."
"Is that so? You look perfect to me."
Narumi laughed innocently.
That smile gripped Hanabi's heart tight.
(Big brother.)
The word rose all the way to the back of her throat.
(No. Here, he's Kanei-sensei.)
Hanabi pressed her lips together and swallowed the word.
"...Sensei, um, there's something I'd like to consult you about, regarding my career path."
Hanabi said it as if changing the subject.
"Oh, sure. Ask me anything. If it's something I can answer, I'll answer anything."
Narumi sat back down in his chair and turned toward Hanabi.
"Actually, I'm torn about university... whether to go for education or literature."
"Oh, education? Do you want to be a teacher, Hanabi?"
"...Yes. A teacher like you, sensei."
Hanabi mustered just a little courage and said it.
Narumi blinked for a moment, then smiled happily.
"Is that so? That makes me glad. But I'm still nowhere near good enough. You could become a far more amazing teacher than me, Hanabi."
"You are an amazing teacher. I guarantee it."
When Hanabi said it with a serious face, Narumi laughed sheepishly again.
"Hearing you say that really saves me. Thank you, Hanabi."
"No, thank you for hearing me out."
Hanabi bowed politely.
(I got to talk with him, just the two of us.)
Just that made the whole day feel worthwhile.
"If you're ever in trouble, tell me anything. I'm your homeroom teacher, after all."
Narumi said it without thinking.
Those words pierced deep into Hanabi's chest.
(Because he's my homeroom teacher.)
To Narumi, Hanabi was nothing more than "one of the students in his class."
That sense of distance squeezed Hanabi's heart cold.
"...Thank you."
Hanabi answered with a smile.
Beneath the smile, her heart was cracking with a sound.
(I know. I know.)
Hanabi told herself, in her heart.
(To him, I'm just a student.)
(That's fine. That should be fine.)
So why did it hurt this much?
She left the staff room.
The hallway was wrapped in the dim light of evening. Voices of students heading to club activities echoed in the distance.
Hanabi leaned a hand against the wall and let out a deep breath.
(I'll just go home today.)
Thinking that, she started walking—and that was when it happened.
"Ahaha, Kanei-sensei, you're really too funny."
A voice she recognized.
Hanabi's feet stopped.
She looked toward the voice.
Next to the staff room, beyond the corner of the hallway.
There stood Narumi and another woman—a teacher.
Minagawa Akane.
The music teacher, who, with her neat and proper appearance, commanded enormous popularity among the students. She swayed her long black hair and wore an elegant smile.
"Please stop, Minagawa-sensei. Forget about that story already."
Narumi said to Akane, laughing awkwardly.
"Ehh, I can't forget it. At the last drinking party, you got so drunk and said the funniest things."
Akane put a hand to her mouth and giggled.
That laugh stabbed into Hanabi's ears, strangely sharp.
(Drinking party?)
(Did the two of them go drinking together?)
Hanabi stood frozen in place.
Her body wouldn't move.
"N-no, please stop. Really, I have no memory of that day..."
Narumi had gone bright red, flapping his hands about.
That demeanor was completely different from the "teacher" face he showed in front of Hanabi.
(In front of Akane-sensei, he makes a face like that.)
Deep in Hanabi's chest, something creaked and groaned.
Akane suddenly looked toward Hanabi.
Their eyes met.
Akane's eyes widened for just an instant, as if surprised.
And then.
Slowly, she pressed her index finger to her own lips.
"It's our secret."
Akane's lips moved like that.
No sound reached her.
But Hanabi knew, with certainty, that was what she'd said.
Akane smiled brightly and gently placed her hand on Narumi's arm.
"See you, Kanei-sensei. Tell me more funny stories again, okay?"
"I told you, please forget it..."
The two turned their backs to Hanabi and walked off down the hallway.
Hanabi couldn't move.
(It's our secret.)
The movement of Akane's lips repeated over and over in her head.
(She made that gesture so that only I could see it.)
(Does she know I have feelings for sensei?)
(She knows, and she did that anyway?)
Deep in Hanabi's chest, for the first time, a clear emotion was born.
Anger.
Hatred.
And then—
(I don't want to lose to this woman.)
It was the first intense hostility Hanabi had ever felt.
Hanabi clenched her fist tight.
Her nails dug into her palm.
The pain finally made her body move.
(I'll go home.)
Hanabi left the spot as if fleeing.
Night.
Café Milpas on Sanrio Street.
Hanabi sat at a window seat, drinking an iced coffee. Across from her sat Awaya Mugi.
Mugi was a fair-skinned boy with silky hair and well-formed features. Hanabi's fake boyfriend.
"So, what do you need today?"
Mugi said flatly, fiddling with his phone.
"It's not that I need anything. We just have to keep up appearances—regular dates as a fake couple, or it won't look real."
Hanabi answered with her model-student smile.
"Huh. You're serious about this."
Mugi glanced at Hanabi's face, then returned his gaze to his phone.
Hanabi stirred her iced coffee with the straw. The ice clinked.
(The three conditions of a fake couple.)
Hanabi confirmed the rules in her heart.
Don't fall in love with each other.
If either one's love comes true, break up.
Accept each other's physical desires, no matter when.
These three rules bound Hanabi and Mugi together.
(I won't fall for Mugi.)
(Mugi won't fall for me.)
(We're just fake lovers, licking each other's wounds.)
That was fine.
She'd thought so.
But ever since she saw Akane today, Hanabi's heart had been restless.
"Hey, Mugi."
Hanabi spoke to Mugi, pretending to be casual.
"Huh?"
"Are Narumi-sensei and Minagawa-sensei close?"
Hanab
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