At Amanogawa Prefectural High, Hanabi Yasuoka is the perfect honor student everyone admires—but beneath her flawless smile lies a secret she's carried for years: she's in love with her homeroom teacher, Narumi Kanei, the gentle "big brother" who tutored her as a lonely child and promised to wait for her.
Mugi Awaya is the quiet, beautiful boy every girl wants—but the one he truly loves is a teacher who will never look his way.
When these two classmates discover each other's forbidden feelings,
Scum's Wish: The Secret Love That Never Was - Am I not good enough? — A Confession by the Riverbed, and Morning Guilt
The light streaming through the classroom window cast the printouts on the desks in a pale white glow.
For the few minutes before the opening bell, Yasuoka Hanabi sat staring at the math worksheet that had just been handed out. The numbers, the symbols—they lined up like meaningless patterns. Nothing sank in.
(I cried at the riverbank yesterday.)
She couldn't quite remember how she'd made it home after that. The tears wouldn't stop; she'd clung to the grass on the embankment and sobbed until her voice gave out. Narumi's smiling face on her phone screen—every time she looked at it, something deep in her chest tore apart.
(Minagawa-sensei sees right through me.)
The words spoken in the music room spun round and round in her ears.
*"You like Kanei-sensei, don't you? I'll root for you."*
Akane's smile in that moment. Kind, warm—and yet it felt like a hand slowly crushing Hanabi's heart.
*"Mugi-chan's been crazy about me since way back, you know."*
(She takes everything I care about. All of it.)
"Hanabi, morning."
She looked up to find her classmate Mito peering at her with concern. Behind his glasses, his eyes were fixed on her face.
"Morning, Mito."
Hanabi manufactured a smile. Corners of the mouth up, eyes gently narrowed. The perfect honor student's smile. The one she'd practiced in front of the mirror countless times—the smile that made everyone like her.
"...Hanabi, you've got serious bags under your eyes. Are you sleeping at all?"
"I'm fine. Just stayed up a little late. No big deal."
She smiled as she said it.
I'm fine. No big deal.
The words came out like a reflex. Even though nothing was fine. Even though right now she wanted nothing more than to collapse onto her desk and scream.
"Hanabi, here—if you want it. I picked it up this morning."
This time it was Ayumi, holding out a small package. A faint sweetness drifted from it.
"Oh, really? Thank you. But you should eat it yourself, Ayumi."
"No, no. You haven't seemed like yourself lately, Hanabi. Have something sweet and cheer up."
Ayumi's smile was dazzling.
(Is it really that obvious?)
Hanabi took the package. Her fingertips trembled, just slightly.
"Thanks. I'll have it."
She gave back a smile. Perfectly. So that no one would ever see the real her.
(The honor student Yasuoka Hanabi is always smiling.)
(That's what everyone has to believe.)
(Because if the mask ever slipped, there'd be nothing left of me at all.)
First period was Japanese.
Kanei Narumi's voice resonated through the classroom from the podium. The scratch of chalk on the blackboard. The rustle of classmates taking notes.
Hanabi's eyes followed the text in her textbook. But none of it registered. Narumi's voice sounded like it was coming from far away.
(Onii-chan's voice.)
(The voice I've heard my whole life.)
(And yet, now, it feels so far away.)
Hanabi tightened her grip on her pen. Her fingertips went white.
(Where did he go with Minagawa-sensei yesterday?)
(What did they talk about, just the two of them?)
(What does onii-chan think of Minagawa-sensei?)
Just thinking about it made her stomach clench. Her breathing grew shallow.
(No. I can't think about this.)
She copied the board notes into her notebook. Writing. Writing. Writing. As if moving her hand could drown out her heart.
Before she knew it, she'd written a tiny "help me" in the corner of the page.
She erased it in a panic. Scrubbed at it with the eraser, over and over. The paper began to pill.
(Help me—from who?)
(Onii-chan? Mugi? Or...)
(I have to stand on my own. I don't get to lean on anyone.)
Break came.
Hanabi slumped forward onto her desk. The cold surface felt good against her flushed cheek.
(Today's going to be long, too.)
(I wish the school day would just end already.)
(But then what? What am I supposed to do with myself after school?)
That was when it happened.
"Ecchan."
A voice she knew.
She lifted her head. Ebato Sanae stood in the classroom doorway.
Sanae was Hanabi's closest friend. Same class last year, next door this year. Tall, beautiful, popular with boys and girls alike. But around Hanabi, she always wore a soft, gentle smile.
"Ecchan, do you have a minute?"
Sanae's voice was quiet. But her eyes were fixed on Hanabi's face—as if trying to see through to something underneath.
Hanabi rose slowly.
(Ecchan's going to say something.)
(Does she know about yesterday?)
(No—she can't. I haven't told anyone.)
Hanabi walked over to her.
"Morning, Ecchan. What's up?"
"Morning. ...Hanabi, are you free after school today?"
Sanae didn't call her "Ecchan." She used her real name. That alone told Hanabi this was something serious.
"After school? Sure, I don't have plans."
"Then meet me at the riverbank. The usual spot. There's something I want to talk about."
Sanae's eyes were earnest.
Hanabi felt something stir.
(Ecchan's noticed something's wrong with me.)
(Did she see me crying at the riverbank yesterday?)
(No, that's impossible. No one was there.)
"...Okay. I'll be there."
Hanabi nodded.
She couldn't find a reason to refuse.
Sanae smiled, just barely, and headed back to her own classroom.
Hanabi watched her go, a restless unease stirring in her chest.
(What am I supposed to say to Ecchan?)
(I'm in no state to talk to anyone properly right now.)
After school.
Hanabi sat on the embankment at the riverbank park.
The surface of the Amanooka River caught the setting sun and glowed orange. The wind carried the scent of young leaves.
The same place as yesterday.
The place where she'd cried alone, sobbing out loud.
(Coming here brings it all flooding back.)
(The tears are going to come.)
Hanabi hugged her knees and stared at the current.
(Ecchan's not here yet.)
(What is she going to say?)
(Is it about yesterday after all?)
Then she heard footsteps behind her.
She turned. Sanae was standing there.
With the sunset at her back, her long hair swayed in the wind. Her expression was hard to read against the light.
"Sorry to keep you waiting, Hanabi."
Sanae sat down quietly beside her.
A small distance remained between them.
(Ecchan's quieter than usual.)
Hanabi glanced at her profile.
Sanae was gazing at the river. Her profile was serious—like she'd made up her mind about something.
"...Hanabi, listen."
Sanae spoke.
"What is it?"
Hanabi looked at her.
Sanae slowly turned to face her.
Her eyes were brimming with tears.
"I've been watching you every day, Hanabi."
Hanabi stopped breathing.
"I've known for a long time that you've been forcing yourself to smile. Even when you're laughing with friends in the classroom, your eyes aren't laughing. Even walking down the hall, sometimes your face looks so painfully strained."
Sanae's voice was shaking.
"Yesterday, too—you were here alone, crying, weren't you. I saw you. ...I couldn't bring myself to call out to you. I'm sorry."
Hanabi couldn't say anything.
(She saw me.)
(Ecchan saw the ugliest part of me.)
Shame and self-loathing burned her face.
"Hanabi, you're suffering so much right now, aren't you. I want you to tell me what happened. I want to help you."
Sanae's tears traced down her cheeks.
Something deep inside Hanabi's chest began to slowly melt.
(I wanted to tell someone.)
(I wanted someone to listen.)
(I couldn't carry it alone anymore.)
Tears spilled from Hanabi's eyes, too.
"...I'm in love with Narumi-sensei."
Her voice trembled.
"Since I was little. Always. I called him onii-chan and loved him more than anything. But Minagawa-sensei is trying to take him away from me... and I don't know what to do."
The tears wouldn't stop.
The same as yesterday, when she'd cried alone. But now Sanae was beside her.
Sanae listened in silence.
She didn't blame her.
She wasn't shocked.
She just listened, gently, to everything Hanabi had to say.
"Minagawa-sensei sees right through me... She told me she'd 'root for me'... but that can't be what she really means. I think she's only getting close to me to hurt me."
Once the dam broke, everything poured out.
Her feelings for Narumi.
Her fear of Akane.
Her fake relationship with Mugi.
All of it.
Sanae listened quietly to the very end.
By the time Hanabi finished, the world around them had gone completely dark.
Only the sound of the river flowed between them.
"...Hanabi. Thank you for telling me."
Sanae said quietly.
"Thank you, Ecchan. ...I just needed to tell someone. Thank you for listening. Really."
Hanabi wiped her tears.
(I feel a little lighter.)
(Just telling someone makes this much difference.)
Then Sanae took Hanabi's hand.
Startled, Hanabi looked at her face.
Sanae's hand was warm.
"...Hanabi."
Tears spilled from Sanae's eyes again.
"Am I not enough?"
For a moment, Hanabi couldn't grasp what she meant.
"I'm the only one who can comfort you, Hanabi. I'm in love with you. Not as a friend—as a girl, I love you more than anything."
Sanae's tears fell onto the back of Hanabi's hand.
Warm.
"I've loved you for so, so long. Every time I see you smile, my chest aches. Every time I see you suffering, I want to take your place."
Sanae's voice trembled.
"I know it's strange—two girls. I know it's disgusting. ...But I can't stop these feelings."
Sanae squeezed Hanabi's hand tight.
Hanabi couldn't say a word.
(Ecchan is in love with me?)
(A girl—Ecchan?)
Her mind went blank.
But the warmth of Sanae's hand was unmistakably real.
"Hanabi, please. Let me stay by your side. When you're suffering, I'll comfort you. When you want to cry, I'll hold you."
Sanae's tearful voice echoed across the night riverbank.
Hanabi's heart pounded like a drum.
(What should I do?)
(How am I supposed to answer her feelings?)
(Two girls—I've never even...)
But.
(Right now, I want someone to hold me.)
(I want someone to need me.)
(I'm scared of being alone.)
Hanabi's body moved before her heart could catch up.
She leaned her head gently against Sanae's shoulder.
Sanae's body stiffened for just a moment.
"...Ecchan, I don't know. I don't know what to do at all. But right now—I don't want to be alone."
Hanabi's voice was hoarse.
Sanae slowly wrapped her arms around her.
"I know. I understand. I'll stay with you so you're never alone."
Sanae's arms circled Hanabi's back.
Warm.
Safe.
Tears spilled from Hanabi's eyes again.
(I'm leaning on Ecchan.)
(Even though I can't give her a clear answer.)
(But I don't want to let go of this warmth.)
Hanabi buried her face in Sanae's chest.
She could hear Sanae's heartbeat.
Racing. Fast.
(Ecchan's nervous too.)
(And still, she's holding me.)
"...Hanabi, I'll do anything for you."
Sanae's whisper fell sweetly on Hanabi's ear.
That night.
Hanabi crossed a line with Sanae.
In Sanae's bed, in Sanae's room, the two of them confirmed each other's warmth again and again.
(What am I doing?)
(Ecchan is my friend.)
(We're both girls.)
But her body sought pleasure.
As if to fill the hole in her heart, she reached for Sanae's skin.
And Sanae reached for her.
Their breaths dissolved into the dark room.
Afterward.
Hanabi lay in Sanae's arms, staring at the ceiling.
Her body was still flushed.
Her heart was a mess.
(It felt good.)
(But this isn't love.)
(I'm in love with onii-chan.)
"...I'm a terrible person, aren't I."
Hanabi murmured.
"I'm pretending with Mugi, and now I've done this with Ecchan too. I'm the worst."
Tears traced down her temple and soaked into the pillow.
Sanae gently stroked her hair.
"You're not the one at fault, Hanabi."
Sanae's voice was calm.
"I fell in love with you on my own. There's nothing for you to blame yourself for."
Sanae's fingers combed through her hair.
The sensation was comforting.
"...Ecchan, thank you. But I might not be able to answer your feelings properly. My heart is still so full of onii-chan."
"I know. That's okay. Just being by your side makes me happy."
Sanae pressed a soft kiss to Hanabi's forehead.
"I'll be by you
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