In 2015, Tokyo-3. Fourteen-year-old Shinji Ikari is summoned by his father Gendo and ordered to pilot the giant mecha Evangelion Unit-01. But the moment he enters the cockpit, a rainbow-colored light bursts from the unit and envelops him. When the light fades, Shinji's body has become that of a girl.
"Wha... what is this... I'm... me...?"
Shinji's pronoun shifts from 'boku' to 'watashi,' and both voice and physique are completely transformed into those of a young girl. Before the panicking Shi
Evangelion: Gender Pandemonium - Rainbow-colored Light — The Day I Become Me
The door to the command center was far heavier than Shinji had imagined.
Ikari Shinji felt the sweat on his clenched fists as he gently pushed against the steel door. Cold air clung to his face. The room was dim, and a massive screen stretching to the ceiling emitted a pale blue glow. Unfamiliar symbols and numbers streamed across it, and a faint mechanical hum droned deep in his ears.
"…Dad."
His voice came out smaller and hoarser than even he expected.
The man seated in the commander's chair—Ikari Gendou—did not so much as lift his face from the documents in his hands. Black hair, black clothes. He looked like a shadow that had taken a seat. The air around him alone was heavy, the temperature lower. Shinji held his breath and stared at the profile of the father he hadn't seen in three years.
"You came."
Just that. His gaze remained fixed on his papers.
(Three years… and that's all?)
Something sank slowly in the depths of Shinji's chest. He was ashamed of himself for having hoped. His father wouldn't even look at his son's face. It had been that way ever since his mother died. When Shinji was three, his mother—Ikari Yui—had suddenly vanished. He was told it was an accident. After that, his father had left him with relatives and never even made contact.
"Um… what should I do?"
"You'll be shown."
Gendou moved his jaw slightly, and the white-haired man standing beside him stepped forward. Fuyutsuki Kouzou. Slender and tall, with gentle eyes that belied the cold air he carried. He glanced at Shinji and let the corner of his mouth soften, just barely.
"This way. I'll take you to the hangar."
"Um, my father…"
"The commander will come later. First, you need to see the unit."
Shinji looked one more time at his father's back. He didn't turn around. Shinji didn't have the strength left to say anything more. He followed Fuyutsuki out of the command center. The corridor was white and endless. Fluorescent lights lined up in perfect order, and only the sound of their footsteps echoed, unnaturally loud.
(Of course. I was just called here. That's all.)
He thought of the days he'd spent at his relatives' house. Shutting himself in his room, listening to music through earphones, and that was how a day ended. No one needed him. The thought made the area around his chest go cold.
The elevator descended deep underground. With each number that dropped, the pressure in his ears grew stronger, as if they were being plugged.
"This facility is the headquarters of NERV, a special agency under the direct control of the UN. It spreads out beneath Tokyo-3."
"NERV…"
"To protect humanity from unidentified lifeforms called Angels, we operate a weapon called Evangelion. Only a very limited number of qualified pilots can operate them."
"And I'm… one of those qualified pilots?"
Fuyutsuki didn't answer. The sound of the elevator doors opening broke the heavy silence.
The hangar was unimaginably vast.
He couldn't see the ceiling. No—he could see it, but it was so far away the lights didn't reach it. Massive machines lined the walls, and the workers looked as small as ants. The air was cool and damp, and the smell of iron and oil stung his nose.
And then, directly ahead.
A purple giant stood there.
"What… is this…"
He craned his neck until it hurt, and still couldn't take in the whole face. Long, slender limbs. Unnaturally long arms. Shoulder armor. And above all, the pair of eyes glowing in its head. It was supposed to be a machine, yet it had the presence of a living thing.
Evangelion Unit-01.
Shinji stood frozen in place. He was afraid. But more than that—for some reason, something stirred deep in his chest. He was seeing it for the first time, yet it felt somehow familiar. A bittersweet sensation, like remembering his mother's scent.
"Oh, you're here!"
A bright voice echoed through the hangar. He turned to see a woman with long purple hair walking toward him. A white jacket, a black miniskirt, a cross necklace at her throat. Katsuragi Misato. NERV's Operations Director, and the person who was supposed to become Shinji's guardian. She stood in front of him and peered intently at his face.
"So you're Ikari Shinji. I'm Katsuragi Misato. Nice to meet you."
"Y-yes…"
"Nervous? Can't blame you. Getting called out of nowhere and shown a giant robot."
"It's not a robot."
A woman in a white coat stood beside Misato. Short blonde hair, intelligent eyes. Akagi Ritsuko. Head of NERV's Technical Development Division, in charge of maintaining the Evas. She operated a tablet as she walked toward Unit-01's feet.
"The Evangelion isn't just a machine. It connects to the pilot via the A10 nerve and moves through thought. The higher the synchronization rate, the better the unit moves. But the mental burden on the pilot grows proportionally."
"The A10 nerve…"
"Simply put, it directly links your mind to the Eva's nervous system. Pain and sensation are shared to a certain degree."
"Is it… dangerous?"
Ritsuko looked at Shinji for just a moment.
"I can't say it isn't. But you have the aptitude. That's why you were called."
(Aptitude… me?)
Shinji looked up at Unit-01 again. He was supposed to get inside that giant thing. There was no way he could. He wanted to run. He wanted to disappear from this place right now.
But—
His father's face surfaced in his mind. That cold profile, never once looking up from his papers. If he didn't get in now, his father would look at him even less.
(I just want to be acknowledged. That's all.)
"…I'll do it."
Misato's eyes went wide.
"Really? You don't have to push yourself."
"I'm not pushing myself. …I'll do it."
His voice was shaking. His legs were shaking too. Even so, Shinji started walking toward the catwalk leading to the entry plug. With every step, his heart pounded loud in his ears.
The inside of the plug was narrow and dark. Having changed into a pilot suit, Shinji lowered himself into the cockpit seat. Liquid began to fill the space. LCL. A special fluid that wouldn't drown you even if it entered your lungs. He'd been told he'd be able to breathe, but the first mouthful nearly made him choke anyway.
"It's okay. Calm down. Just breathe normally."
The voice over the comms echoed faintly.
"Okay…"
"Then we'll begin the activation sequence. Shinji, close your eyes. Empty your mind."
Empty his mind. As if he could. Fear, longing for his father, memories of his mother—all churned together, and his head was like a storm.
And yet—
(Please. Just move.)
That was the moment.
Unit-01's entire body was enveloped in a dazzling rainbow-colored light.
"What!? What's happening!?"
"Readings are off the scale! Unit-01 is showing impossible numbers—"
The light overflowed into the plug, swallowing Shinji whole. His vision dyed in rainbow colors. Hot. Cold. Both sensations struck at once. As if his bones, his muscles, his skin were melting and being remade from the inside—
"A… aah…"
His voice was wrong.
High, thin—like someone else's.
(What… is this. My voice—)
The light vanished.
Silence.
Shinji slowly opened his eyes. His own face was reflected on the monitor inside the plug. His black, slightly curly hair had grown to shoulder length without his noticing, hanging glossy against his shoulders. His contours had softened into roundness, his skin white as porcelain.
And his eyes.
His deep dark-brown irises now held a faint amber glow, staring back at him anxiously.
"Eh…?"
He looked at his own hands. Slender. Long fingers. Not a boy's hands.
"What… is this… what is this…!"
He pressed a hand to his chest. His heartbeat rang from a slightly higher place than before. His whole body felt unbelievably light and soft.
"Nooo!!"
The scream echoed through the plug.
"Shinji!? What's wrong!? What's happening!?"
"Emergency stop! Open the plug now! Recovery team, immediately!"
The plug opened. Outside light flooded in, and Shinji tumbled out of the cockpit. His limbs wouldn't move right. His body's balance was completely different.
"Shinji!"
Misato ran over and caught Shinji by the shoulders.
"…Eh?"
Her hands stopped.
"…Shinji? Is that you?"
Shinji raised a face smeared with tears.
"I don't know… I don't understand…! My body—something's wrong with my body…!"
"Ritsuko!"
"…You can see for yourself. The biological sex has been completely reversed. At least in outward appearance."
Ritsuko said it in a cold voice, operating her tablet.
"Even so, you can't say it like that in front of—"
"Stating facts is my job. More importantly, get him to the medical bay. We need a full examination."
Then, from the hangar's speakers, a low voice resonated.
"The Eva moved. That's enough."
Shinji's spine froze.
His father's voice.
"I'll leave the rest to you. I'm going back."
The transmission cut off.
Shinji sat on the floor, unable to move. The tears wouldn't stop. His father had acknowledged him. The Eva had moved. That's enough—. Those words should have made him happy, yet they gouged at his chest.
(Even if I've become a girl… Dad doesn't say anything.)
Joy and sorrow and disgust at his own body surged in all at once. It was sickening. He felt like throwing up. And yet, somewhere inside, a part of him was relieved.
(At least I was useful to Dad.)
That night.
Misato's apartment.
"This is your home starting today."
Standing in the entryway, Shinji's mouth fell open. A spacious living room. Large windows. But empty beer cans rolled across the floor, and snack bags were scattered on the table.
"Ah, it's a little messy, but don't mind it."
"It's… pretty messy, actually."
"Ahaha… well, things happen."
Misato kicked the empty cans aside and let Shinji into the room.
"Take a bath first. I'll get some clothes ready for you while you're in."
"Clothes…"
Shinji looked down at his own body. The men's clothes hung off him absurdly. The shoulders drooped, the waist didn't fit.
"For now, put up with my clothes. The size might not be right, but it's better than nothing."
"…Okay."
When he got in the bath, his own body became unmistakably clear. Narrow shoulders. Rounded hips. The swell of a chest. None of it felt like his own. He was afraid to look in the mirror.
(This is me now…)
Shinji sank up to his shoulders in the tub and stared at the ceiling.
(Me. "Me.")
His first-person pronoun had changed without his noticing. From the moment that light had enveloped him, the voice of himself inside his head had become a girl's voice.
"…Why did this happen?"
No one answered.
When he got out of the bath, Misato had prepared a T-shirt and shorts for him.
"These are my loungewear. Might be a bit big, but it's fine if you're just sleeping."
"Thank you."
He changed and stood in front of the mirror.
There stood a girl with damp, shoulder-length black hair hanging down. Her collarbone peeked from the T-shirt's neckline. Her skin was pale. Her cheeks were faintly flushed.
(…This is me.)
Tears welled up. But the disgust from before had faded, just a little. Because Misato treated him normally. Even as a girl, she didn't call him disgusting. She didn't run away. She just smiled at him the same as always.
"Get some rest today. Tomorrow is when it really begins."
"…It really begins?"
"Yes. You piloting the Eva means exactly that. The Angels won't wait."
"…Okay."
Misato gently placed a hand on Shinji's head.
"It's all right. You're not alone. I'm here. Ritsuko's here too. …Even that grumpy commander is probably thinking about you, deep down."
(Dad is?)
Hard to believe. But he wished it were true.
Shinji nodded slightly.
Late at night.
Even in bed, Shinji couldn't sleep. The sensations of his body were still wrong. The feel of hair against his neck. The weight on his chest. A body that moved with every breath. All of it felt like someone else's.
Beep beep beep.
The comm terminal by his pillow rang.
"Shinji, are you awake?"
"…Dr. Ritsuko."
"The test results are in. We've decided to tentatively call the phenomenon that happened to you 'Gend
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