In Tokyo-3, the battles against the Angels have almost become routine. But for Shinji Ikari, pilot of Eva Unit-01, a single, painful question gnaws at his heart. His father and NERV Commander, Gendo Ikari, has never praised him. He's never even had a real conversation with him.
Caught in this gloomy mood, Shinji bickers as always with his classmate and Eva Unit-02 pilot, Asuka Langley Soryu. 'How long are you gonna mope around?! Do something for yourself for once!' Asuka yells. Shinji mutters b
Evangelion IF: Tomorrow, with a Smile - A Faint Courage, and a Cold Declaration
The classroom after school still held a muggy, oppressive heat.
Outside the window, the eternal summer blue sky stretched endlessly. The shrill cry of cicadas droned on in the distance.
Ikari Shinji let out a small sigh as he put his textbooks away in his desk. His slightly long black bangs clung to his forehead with sweat. His large brown eyes stared somewhat vacantly into space.
*(Today, nothing changed either.)*
In a corner of his mind, the events of last night still swirled around and around. Asuka's lonely profile he'd seen in the park. And his father's cold words. *Fulfill your role as a tool.*
The center of his chest went cold and tight.
That was when it happened.
"Hey, Souryuu. You elite types really are something else, huh."
Suddenly, from the back of the classroom, a voice with an unpleasant ring to it reached his ears. Shinji looked up.
Several male students had surrounded Asuka's seat. Grinning, they looked down at her waist-length blonde twintails. The ringleader made a show of shrugging his shoulders exaggeratedly.
"An Eva pilot, huh? Getting all full of yourself just 'cause you're a foreigner."
"Yeah, if you were Japanese, maybe, but why do you act like you're better than us?"
They closed in on her, bit by bit, as if savoring her reaction.
Asuka, arms still crossed, glared sharply back at them with her defiant blue eyes. Her red hair clips caught the fluorescent light and flashed. It was her usual posture, brimming with confidence.
"What exactly are you trying to say?"
Her voice didn't waver in the slightest. But Shinji could tell.
Asuka was biting her lip, just barely.
The moment he saw that tiny gesture, something pulsed deep in Shinji's chest. He was scared. His heart was pounding. He wanted to run away from this place right now. But more than that—he hated the thought of himself just watching in silence.
*(Back then, I didn't do anything.)*
*(I couldn't say anything to Father.)*
*(But this time...)*
"...S-stop it."
It was a trembling voice, even to his own surprise.
Before he knew it, Shinji had stood up. His legs had moved on their own.
The atmosphere in the classroom froze in an instant.
The male students gaped at the unexpected interruption. Then they exchanged glances, as if it were the funniest thing.
"What's this, Ikari? You're in the pilot club too?"
"A wishy-washy guy like you trying to play hero?"
A heavy hand landed on Shinji's shoulder. His body trembled violently.
*(I knew I shouldn't have stepped in.)*
Regret washed over him all at once.
Even so, though he hung his head, Shinji held his ground.
"...It's not about being in a club or anything. But... I don't think that's a good way to talk."
His voice grew quieter. The ends of his words seemed to fade away. Still, Shinji continued.
"Asuka really does fight. She tries incredibly hard. So, saying things like that..."
By the end, his voice was barely a whisper.
Faced with Shinji's utter feebleness, the male students looked at each other, their venom seemingly deflated.
"...Tch. This is boring. Let's go."
The ringleader spat the words out, and they all shuffled out of the classroom.
Silence returned.
Shinji stood rooted to the spot, unable to move. His heart was still pounding painfully. His fingertips trembled minutely.
"Hey!"
Suddenly, Asuka's sharp voice flew at him. She marched right up to Shinji, put her hands on her hips, and glared at him fiercely.
"What did you do that for?! I'm perfectly fine on my own!"
"...Sorry."
Shinji apologized reflexively.
"If you're gonna apologize, you shouldn't have come out in the first place! Because of you, I look weak too!"
Asuka raised her voice. But Shinji noticed.
Normally, Asuka would have snapped back much more harshly. Yet her words had a ring to them that wasn't truly angry. If anything, her voice sounded like it was trembling, just a little.
"Sorry... but I couldn't just leave it alone."
Still looking down, Shinji spoke his honest feelings.
"Ever since I was little, I could never say anything... Even when I saw someone being talked about like that, I was scared, and my voice wouldn't come out. And I always regretted it afterwards."
He clenched his fists tightly.
"So, earlier, I was scared too... but I thought, I mustn't run away."
Asuka was at a loss for words for a moment.
A heavy silence fell over the classroom.
From outside the window, the distant shouts of the baseball club could be heard.
"...Hmph. Aren't you an idiot."
Asuka said that quietly, then abruptly turned her face away.
The tips of her ears were faintly red.
Shinji felt like it was the first time he'd ever seen that gesture from her, and a warmth spread gently deep in his chest.
*(Ah... I actually managed to talk to her.)*
The fear was still there. A little regret, too.
But more than that, he felt as if his heart had become lighter.
The end-of-school chime echoed throughout the entire school building.
As Shinji headed for the shoe lockers without talking to anyone, Asuka appeared from the shadow of the school gate, arms crossed and looking sulky.
The moment she saw Shinji's face, she declared with a sullen expression.
"Come with me for a bit. No refusing, got it."
"Huh? Um...?"
As Shinji stood bewildered, Asuka started walking briskly. Her twintails swayed back and forth.
Nervously, Shinji followed after her.
Their destination was a small convenience store, a little off Miyoshi Street. The orange light of the sunset streamed into the air-conditioned interior.
Asuka headed straight for the ice cream case without hesitation and picked up two.
"Ah, my money..."
"It's fine, this much. It's thanks, for earlier."
Asuka said that brusquely and pressed one of the ice creams against Shinji's chest.
The two of them sat down side-by-side on a bench outside the store.
It was already starting to get dark around them. The surface of distant Lake Ashi glittered, reflecting the sunset. The buildings of Tokyo-3 were beginning to light up, one by one.
Shinji silently tore open his ice cream wrapper. Asuka said nothing either.
Only the shrill drone of the cicadas resounded.
An awkward silence.
The melting ice cream coldly wet Shinji's fingers.
"...About earlier, well."
Suddenly, Asuka spoke. Still staring at her ice cream, she said in a voice that seemed to fade away.
"...Thanks."
Shinji caught his breath.
That voice was so small and honest, he could never have imagined it coming from the usual, supremely confident Asuka.
"Ah... yeah."
Not knowing how to respond, Shinji just nodded.
Asuka let out a small sigh.
"I had to become strong, all on my own."
She murmured it quietly, gazing at the distant horizon.
"Because there was no one to protect me. So, without relying on anyone, I had to become the best."
Her profile looked just as lonely as it had that time in the park.
Shinji just listened to her in silence.
He knew nothing about Asuka's mother. He didn't yet know the deep loneliness she carried.
But now, he could definitely sense something behind her bravado.
*(Maybe Asuka is the same as me.)*
*(Desperately putting on a strong front, wanting someone to acknowledge her.)*
He wanted to know more about her.
For the first time in his life, Shinji thought something like that.
That night.
After Shinji had finished dinner, an emergency summons came from NERV Headquarters.
The commander's office in the Geofront was, as always, filled with a cavernous, cold air. The giant emblem of the "Tree of Life" painted on the ceiling emitted an inorganic light.
The desk in the center of the room.
Ikari Gendou sat there.
His short-cropped black hair was mixed with gray, his face unshaven. His deep brown eyes glinted coldly behind his glasses. His distinctive pose, hands clasped in front of his face.
He didn't even glance at Shinji when he entered the room.
"...Father, you wanted to talk?"
Shinji gathered his courage and spoke. His voice echoed strangely loud in the room.
"It's about the next Angel battle."
Gendou spoke in a mechanical voice.
"The next anticipated Angel is extremely powerful. Based on combat data so far, Unit-01 will be operated with a new system installed."
A new system.
A bad premonition raced through Shinji's mind.
"The Dummy Plug. A system that mimics the pilot's mental patterns and activates the Eva unmanned. It will be installed in Unit-01 next time, serving also as a live combat test."
Gendou's words continued dispassionately.
"You will be on standby as a reserve. There is no need for you to sortie."
—His mind went completely blank.
Dummy Plug.
Reserve.
No need to sortie.
Those words broke apart and echoed inside Shinji's head.
"Does that... mean... you don't need me anymore?"
He forced the words out in a trembling voice.
Gendou looked at Shinji for the first time.
The eyes behind his glasses still held no emotion whatsoever. Cold as ice.
"Do not think a tool has a will of its own."
Just that one sentence.
"Dismissed."
Shinji stood frozen to the spot.
His legs wouldn't move.
He couldn't breathe properly.
His father's eyes weren't looking at him. He wasn't needed anymore, not even as a tool.
That simple fact pressed down on Shinji's heart like a heavy lump of iron.
He wanted to prove his father wrong. He wanted to be acknowledged.
Even that one, tiny, single wish had been shattered to pieces.
Back in his room, Shinji sat hugging his knees on the floor without turning on the light.
Only the artificial lights of the city filtered in vaguely through the window.
The center of his chest was cold, empty, and utterly helpless.
*(What was I even here for?)*
Talking with Asuka today.
Feeling like their hearts had connected, just a little.
Even that faint warmth felt distant now.
It had all been meaningless.
*Knock, knock.*
Just then, there was a quiet knock at his door.
Shinji looked up.
"...I'm coming in."
It wasn't her usual, rough knock.
The door opened, and Asuka peeked in. Seeing Shinji hugging his knees in the darkness of the room, she entered without a word.
Then, crouching down next to him, she gently placed a cold can she was holding onto his lap.
It was canned coffee.
Shinji accepted it silently.
Asuka leaned against the wall and took a sip of her own canned coffee.
Silence filled the room.
In the distance, the sound of insects could be heard again.
"You were weird today. At school, and at dinner earlier too."
After a little while, Asuka said in a quiet voice.
"...My father called me in."
Still staring at the canned coffee, Shinji began to speak quietly.
"He said I'm not needed for the next battle. That they'll use the Dummy Plug, so I'm just a reserve."
His voice trembled.
"I kept trying my best, wanting to be acknowledged. And even that was pointless."
The hand gripping the can turned white.
Asuka was silent for a while.
Only the faint sound of liquid sloshing inside the can echoed in the room.
"...I don't."
Asuka opened her mouth. Her voice was much gentler than usual, and Shinji found himself looking at her face.
She was looking outside the window. The city lights reflected in her blue eyes like stars.
"I don't think you're just a reserve."
It wasn't a forceful statement.
But she said it firmly.
Something deep in Shinji's chest grew hot.
He desperately fought back the tears that threatened to spill.
She had told him he wasn't just a tool.
The only person in this world, right now.
*(Even so, maybe there is a reason I have to fight.)*
Not for his father, not for the world.
For the first time in his life, Shinji found a reason to fight within someone other than himself.
The coldness of the canned coffee soaked pleasantly into his palm.
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