My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected. IF ~Yukinoshita Asks One More Time~ - Boundaries Fading in the Sound of Rain

Two months have passed since that incident on the rooftop. At the end of February, on that rooftop where the cold wind blew, Yukinoshita Yukino had been about to say something. "I... about you two—" Her blue eyes, usually so strong and dignified, were trembling as if they might shatter at any moment. Yuigahama Yui, her brown hair tousled by the wind, just kept her head down. She couldn't say anything. And me, Hikigaya Hachiman, I took advantage of that silence and said nothing either. That day, we lied and said it was "nothing," sealing a lid over our relationship. The Service Club was a club created by Hiratsuka-sensei to solve other people's problems. The clubroom was an empty classroom on the fourth floor of the Special Building, a closed space just for the three of us. But ever since that day, there was no longer any meaning in gathering there. Requests stopped coming. Yukinoshita came to school only sporadically. Yui tried to bridge the gap between us with a forced, cheerful smile, but in the end, it didn't work. As for me, I didn't know what to do, so I just went to the clubroom after school like always and read paperback novels in the empty classroom. What I truly wanted was a "genuine" relationship free of deception, but I was afraid of getting hurt and couldn't do anything on my own. Even admitting that I liked someone—I'd convince myself it was just a misunderstanding. That's my bad habit. Unable to change that part of myself, time just kept slipping by. The rain began to fall on that stagnant daily life, cold and quiet. It was past six in the evening on the school route. Having finished reading Dazai's *No Longer Human* alone in the clubroom, I dragged myself up and walked out the school gate. I trudged along the sidewalk of the prefectural road heading toward Inage Station. Every time a car passed, kicking up spray, I thought, *Shut up, how annoying.* The sky was heavy with clouds, and large raindrops pounded the asphalt mercilessly. Even with an umbrella, the rain blowing in from the side soaked the hems of my pants. *Ugh, what a pain. I just want to go home and eat some food my little sister Komachi made.* I was thinking about that as I turned the corner on the sidewalk lined with zelkova trees. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure standing there. Near the bus stop, "Inagedai Iriguchi." But something was off. She wasn't taking shelter from the rain. She was just standing there, perfectly straight. Without an umbrella. Her long hair and the blazer of her school uniform were completely drenched, the lines of her body clearly visible. —Yukinoshita Yukino. My feet stopped. It wasn't my heart, but somewhere deep in my gut that felt like it was being squeezed tight. *What is she doing?* Standing there in the rain, what is she thinking? Her long, glossy black hair was now just soaked and plastered to her face. She always stood with her back perfectly straight, radiating an aura that kept everyone at a distance, but right now, she looked as fragile as glasswork. The rainwater dripping from the ends of her hair looked exactly like tears. (*Stop it. If you just stand there like that, you'll catch a cold.*) That's what my head thought. But for some reason, I needed an immense amount of courage to call out to her. Calling out to her here meant touching again upon everything we had "pretended not to see" on that rooftop. I swallowed. I couldn't just walk past. There was no way I could do that. "...What are you doing?" A voice came out so flat, it surprised even me. Yukinoshita slowly raised her head. Those clear, deep blue eyes of hers caught me. She didn't look surprised. She just gazed at me quietly, as if she had known from the beginning that I would come here. "...Hikigaya-kun." Her voice was so faint it was almost drowned out by the sound of the rain. None of her usual sharpness, the kind that cut through with sound arguments, was there. I couldn't say anything. My usual "what a pain" or "who cares" meant nothing in front of her. Until this very moment, I hadn't realized that my own emotions could bind me this tightly. Yukinoshita looked straight up at me from under her wet bangs. Her well-shaped lips moved, trembling. "I... is it okay for me to be by your side?" Those words pierced me right through the center of my heart, like an arrow falling from the murky white rain sky. "I've always been afraid of relying on someone, or depending on them," she continued spinning her words with a trembling voice. "Because I was always compared to my sister. I thought that if I showed my weakness, I'd lose just by doing that." Yukinoshita's older sister, Yukinoshita Haruno. In the shadow of her sister, who was perfect at everything she did, how much must Yukinoshita have blamed herself? She's terribly bad at putting her emotions into words. But now was different. She was stripping off all her armor, trying to bare her raw heart to me. "But... by your side, Hikigaya-kun, it's different. When I'm next to you, I feel like I can be myself. But... was it a bother? Was I a burden to you?" The moment she asked, her face looked like she was about to cry, a mix of regret and just a tiny bit of relief. I had absolutely no idea how to answer. *You're not a bother. I want you here*—why was saying that so terrifying? Admitting my own feelings meant simultaneously accepting the possibility of hurting her. I still don't have the courage to reach out for something genuine. But rejecting her, when she was trembling like this—that was the one thing I absolutely couldn't do. So, instead of words, I pushed my umbrella into her hand. "...Just go home, already. You'll catch a cold." Saying only that, I dashed out into the rain. In an instant, my whole body was soaked. I thought I heard her voice from behind me, but I ran without looking back. This was, without a doubt, my specialty: "running away." But it was the only way I could manage not to reject her. When I got home, my little sister Komachi, who greeted me at the door, opened her eyes wide. "Gah! Onii-chan, what happened?! You're soaked! Where's your umbrella?!" Komachi stared hard at my sullen face, and as if sensing something, she didn't ask any further. She immediately brought a bath towel and roughly threw it over my head. "Jeez, hurry up and take a bath. You're gonna catch a cold, you know." At Komachi's slightly gentle tone, I felt my stiff heart loosen just a little. Having a sibling is something to be grateful for at times like this. In the bath, I ruminated on Yukinoshita's question. *"Is it okay for me to be by your side?"* What does it mean, to be by someone's side? What is the true nature of this emotion I feel for her? Is it okay to simply label it as romantic feelings? No, that's probably what it is. I want her to be by my side. But I'm terrified of saying it out loud. I can't help thinking it's just a misunderstanding, just me getting ahead of myself, and that I'll only end up disappointing her someday. In the end, I couldn't find an answer. The next morning. The weather was still unsettled, but the rain had stopped. I arrived at school, changed into my indoor shoes at the shoe lockers, and headed for my classroom. Walking down the hallway with heavy steps, I opened my locker, and my hand stopped. Inside, a familiar black vinyl umbrella, neatly folded, was quietly leaning there. *Yukinoshita.* She returned my umbrella here. And she folded it neatly, too. Which means, at the very least, she came to school today. (*I see.*) I muttered quietly in my heart. Returning the umbrella might be her way of saying "thank you," and her answer that "it wasn't a bother." Thinking that, I felt the weight on my chest lift just a little. But that relief was short-lived. I couldn't focus on any of my classes all day. Watching the cloudy sky outside the window, I thought. After school today, will she come to the clubroom? No, if she does come, what kind of face am I supposed to make when I see her? Do we pretend that conversation yesterday never happened? In the afternoon, it started raining again. After school. Dragging my heavy feelings with me, I walked down the connecting corridor between the main building and the Special Building. Only the sound of rain hitting the windowpanes seemed unnaturally loud. That clubroom is a place that symbolizes the relationship between the three of us. If I go there, I might get an answer. Afraid of that, my feet stopped. I stood frozen in front of the door for several minutes. From the air leaking through the gap in the door, I could tell someone was inside. The lights weren't on. That was Yukinoshita's habit. Steeling myself, I put my hand on the doorknob. And slowly opened the door. The clubroom was dim and filled with silence. Only the sound of rain, a steady *shhh*, enveloped the world. She was sitting in her usual spot by the window. Yukinoshita had a paperback in her hands, but the pages weren't open. She must have noticed me come in, but she wouldn't look up. I also didn't know how to broach the subject of my actions yesterday, or her question. So, like always, I sat in my seat closest to the door and pulled a random paperback out of my bag. Pretending to follow the text, I sensed her presence. Neither of us said anything, just sharing the fact that we were in the same space. This silence was by no means comfortable. It wasn't cozy. It was painful. But we were just tolerating each other's presence here. That was the best we could do right now. I looked outside the window. The rain was pouring down. Come to think of it, her hair looked a little wetter than yesterday. After returning the umbrella, did she come here getting wet herself again? She really is clumsy. I apologized quietly in my heart. (*Sorry, Yukinoshita. I still don't think I can answer your question.*) But the door to the clubroom, which had been closed since that incident on the rooftop, was now definitely open. Our relationship is still frozen solid. Nothing has changed. But spending time together in the clubroom again like this, this small step, might change something. I had a faint premonition of that. Only the sound of rain quietly enveloped the clubroom. From down the hallway, I heard someone's footsteps. They slowly approached the clubroom and stopped at the gap of the half-open door. It was our advisor, Hiratsuka Shizuka. She said nothing, just quietly confirmed the sight of the two of us, smiled gently, and walked away. In her hand, she firmly held a rolled-up piece of paper—a new request form.

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Episode 2

Name: My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected. IF ~Yukinoshita Asks One More Time~
Author: Novelia

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