My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected. IF ~Yukinoshita Asks One More Time~ - Carrying weakness, and yet

The sky over Kyoto felt far lower and heavier than the one in Chiba. On the afternoon of the first day of the school trip, Hikigaya Hachiman thought this as he walked along the approach to Kiyomizu-dera. Despite it being October, the humidity was high, and his shirt clung to his skin. His breath didn't turn white. An awkward, in-between season. Somewhere in the middle of the group activities, he found himself alone. No, to be precise, he had slipped away from his group. That noisy group activity had hit his limit within thirty minutes. What people commonly call solo play, loner style. He climbed the stone steps. The heat of the tourists, the smell of steamed buns roasting. Kyoto was picturesque no matter where you cut it. And precisely because it was picturesque, it was uncomfortable for an inkya like him. Sunny places should be left to the youkya—that was only proper. (*What a pain.*) Muttering in his heart had become a habit. He couldn't even spare the energy to say it out loud. When he reached the stage of Kiyomizu—technically the veranda of the main hall—the wave of people broke for just a moment. And then, he saw her. Long, black hair. A slender figure from behind, back straight. She stood with her hands on the railing, looking down over the Kyoto cityscape. A serene atmosphere, completely cut off from the surrounding noise. That posture alone told him who it was. It was Yukinoshita Yukino. A group that seemed to be her classmates was happily taking photos a short distance away. But Yukinoshita wasn't part of that circle. No—she looked like she *couldn't* be part of it. Was she alone because she wanted to be, or was it—? His feet stopped. Until the day before, he'd sent messages that hadn't even been marked as read. After the culture festival, she'd come to school only a handful of times. He'd even thought she might not come on the school trip at all. And yet, here she was. Alone, in that spot, looking at what? Before he knew it, his feet were moving. He pushed through the crowd. Dodged tourists he nearly collided with. His heart was loud. "……Hey." The voice he called out with was surprisingly flat, even to himself. Yukinoshita's shoulders twitched. She slowly turned around. Her blue eyes caught him. In that instant, what surfaced on her face was—fear. An expression like a child who had seen something she shouldn't have. "H-Hikigaya-kun……" Her voice was trembling. The next moment, she spun around. She was trying to run. From him. From this place. (*Again.*) Again, like that. You always disappear on your own. The day before the culture festival, it was the same. He hadn't chased her then. Because he hadn't known what to say if he caught up. But now was different. He was reaching out his arm. He grabbed her slender wrist. "W-wait……!" Yukinoshita resisted, clearly. She put strength into shaking off his grip. Tourists' gazes flickered toward them. Even so, he didn't let go. His fingertips conveyed the thinness of her bones. Beneath the thin skin, a rapid pulse. And a faint trembling. (*Like hell I'm letting go.*) He forced out his voice. "I want to talk." This time, clearly, by his own will. "I want to talk to you." Yukinoshita's movements stopped. Her blue eyes widened. The strength resisting his grip drained from her wrist. She let out a small breath, as if resigning herself. "……Fine." That voice was as faint as a mosquito's whine. Leaving Kiyomizu-dera behind, the two of them descended the slope in silence. They had no destination in mind. It was just that a quiet place would be better than a crowded tourist spot. Thinking that, he turned his steps toward the ryokan. On the way back, if they went around to the back garden, there should be stone steps hidden from view. He'd seen them from the bus window. His hand was no longer gripping Yukinoshita's wrist. And yet, she didn't run. She walked half a step behind him, silent. That felt strangely ticklish. When they arrived at the ryokan, there was still time before dinner. As expected, no one was in the back garden. Old garden stones were arranged there, and beyond them, a small pond. The kind of wabi-sabi thing typical of a Kyoto ryokan. He didn't really get it. Yukinoshita sat down on the stone steps in the back garden. She carefully smoothed the hem of her skirt. He sat down too, leaving a little space between them. Silence fell. From beyond the wall, the laughter of tourists could be heard. The sound of koi splashing on the pond's surface. It was Yukinoshita who spoke first. "……My sister said to me." Quietly, in fragments. "'You depend on Hachiman-kun and can't decide anything for yourself.'" Her voice was trembling. She was clenching both hands tightly on her lap. So hard her fingertips turned white. "Since then, I haven't been able to get those words out of my head." Yukinoshita didn't raise her face. Her black hair hung down, hiding her profile. "Whether I have the right to be by your side. I've been afraid, this whole time." (*The right, huh.*) He almost said it, then stopped. Cheap consolation wasn't needed here. What she was forcing out right now wasn't the kind of thing that called for that. "Hikigaya-kun." She looked at him for the first time. Her blue eyes were glistening. "That rainy day, you gave me your umbrella. But you never answered my question." His chest ached. That's right. Back then, he hadn't been able to respond to Yukinoshita's question at all. He'd just shoved the umbrella at her and run. And with that, he'd left her alone again. "……I'm sorry." His voice came out like a rasp. "You were asking me something. And I ran from answering. And with that, I left you alone." He hadn't expected words of apology to feel so weightless. No matter what he said, all that came back was the patheticness of who he'd been that day. Yukinoshita was silent for a while. She released her hands from her lap and slowly looked up at the sky. The overcast October sky. The Kyoto sky really was low. "……I am not my sister's shadow." Her voice rang out clearly. "I will stand on my own two feet. And I will continue the Service Club in my own way." Yukinoshita declared it with a face on the verge of tears, but straight ahead. Her voice was shaking. She must have been terrified, unable to help it. Even so, by putting it into words, she was trying to move forward. He felt he had to say something. But in the end, he couldn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. He just thought—*ah, she's not hiding her weakness; she's trying to carry it, weakness and all.* That was something he couldn't do. And so, it was dazzling. Night came. In the hurried time before lights-out, as classmates went to the baths, brushed their teeth, and laid out futons, he went out alone to buy a drink from the vending machine. He bought a canned coffee and was about to return to his room when someone called out to him. "……Hikki." At the corner of the hallway, under the dim lighting before lights-out. Yuigahama Yui stood there. Not in a yukata, but in her usual casual clothes. Her hands were gripping the hem of her skirt tightly. The air around her alone looked different. "Do you have a minute?" Her voice lacked its usual brightness. He nodded. They moved to the end of the hallway, by a window where no one was around. The night view of Kyoto spread out beyond the glass. With that at her back, Yui stopped. "There's something I've been thinking I have to say, for a long time now." Yui said it while staring at his chest. Their eyes didn't meet. Her long eyelashes were trembling faintly. "Will you listen?" "……Yeah." That was all he could say. Yui took a deep breath. She squeezed her eyes shut once. When she opened them, those big eyes were already glistening. "I've always liked you, Hikki." It took time for the meaning of those words to reach his head. "But, I love Yukinon too. Both of you are precious to me. So I thought, if I got involved, it would all break. So I stayed quiet, this whole time." Yui's voice trembled. From the back of her throat, a sound like suppressed crying mixed in. "But I'm done lying." A single tear ran down Yui's cheek. "I'm not asking you to choose me. I just said it so I could end my feelings here." "End them……?" A stupid-sounding voice came out of his mouth. His head wouldn't work. He was barely managing to absorb the meaning of each word she'd spoken. "Sorry for springing this on you. But I felt like if I didn't say it now, I'd never be able to." Yui forced a smile through her tear-streaked face. Her lips tried to form a smile and failed. "I really did think it would be good if you two worked out. But maybe that was just an excuse so I wouldn't get hurt." The moment she said that, Yui's expression twisted deeply for the first time. "I decided that when I cry, I'll cry for myself." Those words were too painful, too direct. He couldn't say anything. He couldn't move a single step. He couldn't reach out his hand, couldn't hold her shoulders, couldn't even pat her head. He could only stand there, rooted to the spot. Yui wiped her tears roughly, and this time, she managed a normal smile. The tear tracks glistened on her cheeks. "……Thank you for listening. Sorry. Good night." With just that, she ran off down the hallway, footsteps pattering. He just watched as the canned coffee he'd bought from the vending machine slipped from his hand at some point and rolled across the floor. When he returned to the room, his classmates had already laid out their futons and were lying down. Not so much sleeping in a row as eight guys crammed into a narrow room. There was nowhere to step. No, to be precise, everyone was quietly settled into futons laid out neatly from one end. He slipped into his own futon. Closed his eyes. From beside him came the breathing of a sleeping classmate. Deep breaths. Peaceful breathing. They'd walked around all day and were exhausted. Everyone was resting their bodies for tomorrow's group activities. And yet, his head was wide awake. Yui's crying face was burned into his mind and wouldn't leave. *'I've always liked you, Hikki.'* *'I'm done lying.'* *'I said it so I could end my feelings here.'* To end them. (*She threw her true feelings at me, fully prepared to get hurt.*) And yet, he—he hadn't answered anything. He couldn't move a single step. He hadn't been able to give anything back to her courage in that moment. (*Didn't I just trample on her courage?*) The depths of his chest grew cold. His own powerlessness, his own patheticness, pooled at the back of his throat. Until now, he'd kept his distance so that no one would get hurt. Not moving on his own, waiting for the other person's words. He'd thought that was the safest way. He'd believed it was the way to avoid hurting anyone. But it wasn't. That attitude of his had cornered Yui to that extent. Made her cry alone, made her resolve alone, made her try to end it alone. He opened his eyes. The ceiling was dark. The breathing beside him continued steadily. The sound of someone turning over. Far away, the sound of water from a faucet. Suddenly, Yukinoshita's face surfaced in his mind. The figure from behind at Kiyomizu-dera. The face on the verge of tears, declaring she would stand on her own feet. (*Yukinoshita is trying to move forward on her own.*) And Yui was trying to end her own feelings on her own. Neither of them was premising their actions on his existence. No, that wasn't it. Both of them were trying to stop leaning on him. (*I—*) A voice sounded from the depths of his heart. He wanted to be by Yukinoshita's side. Since that rainy day, there had been a formless, wavering emotion. When he'd found her standing still, when he'd heard her voice asking "I wonder if I may stay by your side," when he'd grabbed her wrist. All of it, the same emotion. But. (*If I choose Yukinoshita, Yui will—*) Those tears would turn into an even de

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Episode 6

Name: My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected. IF ~Yukinoshita Asks One More Time~
Author: Novelia

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