Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual
Deep beneath Tokyo lies NERV, a secret base meant to protect the world. But today, as usual, everyone is just lazing around.
The protagonist is Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. At 14, he carries the fate of the world, but his biggest worry right now is "my sortie rate is so high I can't finish my homework." One morning in the command center, Misato Katsuragi is passed out hungover, and Rei Ayanami informs him, "Today's school lunch is bread" (which is completely irrelevant). A peacefu
Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual - Curry, Walls of the Heart, and 48 Documents
The next day, Tuesday.
The underground cafeteria at NERV Headquarters, "Lakeview," was quieter than usual.
Only the image of Lake Ashi on the wall monitor swayed gently, back and forth. Out of 180 seats, not even half were filled. Had everyone lost even the energy to come to the cafeteria?
Shinji stood in front of the counter, looking up at the menu.
Beneath his slightly long bangs, his deep brown eyes wavered with confusion.
"Um... there's no mild?"
"Sorry about that, Shinji-kun."
The cafeteria lady, Tamae-san (58), pressed her hands together apologetically. She was the kind lady who always gave Shinji extra-large portions.
"The supply list got completely swapped out at some point. Not a single medium or mild made it in. This is all we've got."
Tamae-san pointed.
Inside the large pot, a blazingly red curry bubbled and simmered. A dangerous crimson that looked like it would make you sweat just from looking at it.
"Only spicy, then."
Shinji instinctively hunched his shoulders.
His usual habit when he was troubled.
(Another annoyance from SEELE, huh.)
Yesterday it was coffee. Today it's curry.
One by one, slowly chipping away at life's small pleasures.
If they'd just fight head-on like the Angels, that would be one thing. This was just bullying.
"...But I have to eat. I need to keep moving this afternoon."
Shinji sighed and accepted the spicy curry on his tray.
The smell alone made his eyes sting.
He looked around the cafeteria, searching for a seat.
Hardly anyone was there.
Everyone probably hated spicy food and was skipping lunch. No coffee in the vending machines, and the cafeteria curry was spicy. NERV's work environment was definitely deteriorating.
—Just then.
He noticed a single person sitting in the corner of the cafeteria.
A light blue short bob. Straight-cut bangs.
It was Ayanami Rei.
Expressionless, she scooped up the bright red spicy curry with her spoon and carried it to her mouth.
Slowly.
At a steady rhythm, like a machine.
Chewing, swallowing, moving the spoon again.
Seeing her like that, Shinji felt a tight squeeze deep in his chest.
(Rei... doesn't she find it spicy?)
She never showed her emotions.
Was it spicy? Was she fine with it? Or—even if it was spicy, did she just not tell anyone?
Shinji made up his mind and sat down in the seat across from Rei.
"Ayanami, mind if I eat with you?"
Rei slowly raised her face. Her crimson eyes looked at Shinji.
"...Yes."
A short reply.
But she hadn't refused. Relieved, Shinji took a bite of his own curry.
The next instant—
"Ugh...!"
His throat burned.
His tongue hurt.
Tears welled up in his eyes.
(W-What is this?! It's way too spicy!)
Shinji hurriedly drank some water.
But Rei continued eating her curry, as expressionless as ever.
"A-Ayanami, isn't it spicy for you...?"
Rei put down her spoon and thought for a moment.
As if checking her own feelings.
"I don't like spicy things."
"Then why..."
"Because this is all there is here."
A flat voice.
But those words seemed to hold some deep resignation.
—Because this is all there is here.
(She's just enduring it.)
Shinji's heart ached.
Rei didn't like spicy food. But she ate the curry without complaint.
She didn't run away from something she disliked.
She accepted what was there and just ate in silence.
It was almost like—
(Like my own life.)
Shinji thought.
He too had been abandoned by his father, made into a pilot, unable to even finish his homework.
But complaining wouldn't change anything, so he had just endured.
"...If it's spicy, you don't have to force yourself."
The words slipped out before he knew it.
Rei looked at Shinji once more.
He felt like her crimson eyes wavered, just a little.
"...Ikari-kun is kind."
A small voice.
But there was definitely emotion in it.
Shinji's heart skipped a beat.
Deep in his chest, a warmth spread.
(W-What am I saying?)
He hurriedly brought another spoonful of curry to his mouth.
Spicy.
But it was a little easier to eat than before.
After eating in silence for a while, Rei murmured quietly.
"Today's school lunch was bread."
"Huh?"
"Originally, it was supposed to be simmered hijiki day. But it was changed."
Shinji's eyes widened.
"You mean, that was..."
"SEELE. They have also infiltrated operatives into the school lunch center."
A matter-of-fact voice.
But the content was horrifying.
(Even into the school...!)
SEELE was trying to steal not just from NERV, but even the small joys of children.
"That's awful... why would they do that?"
"But the bread was also good."
Rei's lips relaxed ever so slightly.
Maybe she smiled.
No, maybe he imagined it.
But to Shinji, it definitely looked that way.
(Is this her way of cheering me up?)
She must be trying to say, "Even if the hijiki became bread, it's still okay."
That not everything is bad.
Shinji felt his heart grow a little lighter.
"...Thank you, Ayanami."
Rei gave a small nod and started eating her curry again.
Afternoon.
Shinji was summoned to the command room.
On the other side of the desk, Katsuragi Misato winked.
Her waist-length black hair swaying casually, she spoke in her usual bright voice.
"Shinji-kun, why don't you try practicing a supply request?"
"...Huh?"
"You need a new notebook, right? It's perfect timing, so give the request a try. It'll be a learning experience."
(A learning experience...)
Shinji had nothing but a bad feeling about this.
But it was an order from Misato. He couldn't refuse.
He cast his deep brown eyes toward the floor.
"...Yes, understood."
B2 Floor, the General Affairs counter.
There sat a small-statured figure in a black suit. A bureaucratic fairy.
Expressionless, holding a binder.
Struggling mightily, Shinji filled out forty-eight request forms.
His hands trembled with each page.
Ink color, font size, staple placement—everything had minute regulations.
After an hour, he finally finished.
"...Um, here you go."
Shinji held out the stack of documents.
The fairy silently took the papers and ran its eyes over them.
One second.
Two seconds.
—Thud.
"Rejected. The ink color does not meet regulations. Please use a black ballpoint pen. Yours is dark gray."
"Huh...?"
Shinji looked at his own pen.
It was black.
No matter how you looked at it, it was black.
"I-It looks black to me!"
"By this department's standards, it is dark gray. Returned for correction."
The fairy pushed the documents back across the counter.
Shinji felt dizzy.
(What is this...)
With no other choice, he ran to buy a new pen.
Resubmission.
"Rejected. The staple position is two millimeters off from the left edge. The regulation is five millimeters."
"T-Two millimeters...!"
"Regulations are absolute."
Resubmission.
"Rejected. The Western calendar notation for the date is mixed with the Japanese era notation."
"Th-That's...!"
Resubmission.
"Rejected. The seal impression is slightly blurred."
"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you!?"
Shinji shouted.
But the fairy, expressionless, repeated like a machine.
"Regulations are regulations."
(Damn it... damn it!)
Shinji gritted his teeth.
His hands trembled with anger and exhaustion.
His breathing became shallow.
(So this is SEELE's way of doing things.)
They don't fight head-on.
They slowly grind down your spirit with paperwork and rules.
Far worse than any Angel.
Just then—
The personal terminal in his pocket vibrated.
A message from Misato.
'Submit a request for a coffee break. It's only twenty-four forms (lol)'
Looking at the screen, Shinji couldn't help but laugh.
"...Misato-san."
A message like a joke.
But it gave him back a little of his energy.
(Let's try one more time.)
The sun set, and the quiet of night descended upon the corridors of NERV Headquarters.
Shinji was still sitting on the floor in the hallway in front of General Affairs.
Around him, a mountain of rejected documents.
He'd lost count of how many times he'd rewritten them.
His fingers hurt.
His vision was blurry.
Even so, he continued to carefully write, page by page.
"...And I still haven't finished my homework."
His murmured voice reached no one.
—Just then.
He heard faint footsteps.
Shinji looked up.
From the dim hallway, a white shadow approached.
Light blue hair. Crimson eyes.
It was Ayanami Rei.
"Ayanami...? What are you doing here?"
"Alone, you will overlook errors."
Rei quietly sat down next to Shinji.
Her usual white bandage was wrapped around her right wrist.
"I will help."
"Huh... but."
"I am also a pilot here."
Saying just that, Rei took one sheet from the pile of documents and silently began checking it.
Shinji stared blankly at her profile.
Expressionless.
But her fingertips, with surprising care, checked every corner of the document.
The two continued working in silence.
The only sound echoing in the hallway was the rustle of paper.
But strangely, he didn't mind it.
In fact—
(It's calming.)
Shinji thought.
Just having Rei beside him quieted his heart.
Why was that?
"...Ayanami."
"Yes."
"Why do you always remember the school lunch menu?"
Something he had wanted to ask for a long time.
Rei stopped her hands and thought for a moment.
As if choosing her words.
"...Because I want a reason to talk to someone."
A small voice.
A voice that seemed to mix hesitation with a little embarrassment.
Shinji caught his breath.
His breathing stopped.
(So that was it.)
Rei didn't lack emotions.
She just didn't know how to express them.
That's why she memorized the school lunch menu.
Because if she said, "Today is bread," someone would respond.
"...Same as me."
"Same?"
"Yeah. I'm also bad at talking to people... I never know what to do. But when I'm playing the cello, I feel like it's okay if I can't talk well."
On the middle finger of his right hand, the hand he used to play the cello, there was a small callus.
Shinji gently stroked it.
"Does Ikari-kun like the cello?"
"...Yeah. I guess I do. At least, when I'm playing, I can forget about the bad things."
"I also like memorizing the school lunch menu."
"O-Oh, really."
"Yes."
The two looked at each other—
And at the same time, they laughed, just a little.
Maybe he imagined it.
But they definitely laughed.
After that, they continued working in silence.
But it was different from the loneliness he'd felt before.
Someone was beside him.
Someone who, like him, was bad with words, but still wanted to connect with someone.
Just that made the mountain of paperwork seem a little more bearable.
Morning came.
Shinji and Rei had finally completed the forty-eight documents.
They hadn't slept a wink.
Their eyes were bleary.
But their hearts were full of a sense of accomplishment.
They held out the stack of documents at the General Affairs counter.
"...How is this?"
This time, even the fairy seemed unable to find any errors.
"...Accepted."
"We did it...!"
For the first time in his life, Shinji did a heartfelt victory pose.
Rei's lips also relaxed, just a tiny bit.
—However.
Immediately after.
The moment the accepted and stamped documents slipped from the fairy's hands—
Rumble rumble rumble...!
The floor shook.
The air in the hallway warped.
The body of the bureaucratic fairy swelled up before their eyes.
Its suit tore, revealing a black metal body.
(W-What is...!?)
Shinji stepped back.
The fairy had transformed into a giant shredder, four meters tall.
At the top, a feed slot with sharp blades gleamed, as if waiting for prey.
"Application documents are valid only as originals. Copies are invalid."
A mechanical voice echoed.
The next instant—
GRRRRRRRRRIND!!!
The forty-eight documents that had just been accepted were sucked into the shredder.
The sound of tearing paper.
A blizzard of pulverized paper danced throughout the hallway.
"Wha...!"
Shinji felt the blood in his entire body run backwards.
All night.
All night long, he and Rei
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