Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual
Deep beneath Tokyo lies NERV, a secret base meant to protect the world. But today, as usual, everyone is just lazing around.
The protagonist is Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. At 14, he carries the fate of the world, but his biggest worry right now is "my sortie rate is so high I can't finish my homework." One morning in the command center, Misato Katsuragi is passed out hungover, and Rei Ayanami informs him, "Today's school lunch is bread" (which is completely irrelevant). A peacefu
Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual - A Genius Appears! And the Potato Chips Become Scraps of Paper
The cold sensation of the floor woke Shinji Ikari.
(Huh… where am I?)
His back hurt. His hips hurt. His neck hurt too.
Apparently, he'd been sleeping on the floor.
"Ow ow ow…"
He pushed himself up. His own room, which should have felt familiar, seemed strangely distant.
He leaned his back against the wall and let out a small sigh.
He was thinking about yesterday.
He'd defeated the shredder monster. He'd made a flamethrower out of potato chips.
There was also the polka-dot pajama incident.
(I can't believe it…)
Even he didn't know how he'd managed to get through it.
But there was one thing he knew for certain.
"…I'm exhausted."
His sigh was swallowed up by the quiet room.
—Knock knock.
Shinji's shoulders jumped at the sudden knock.
"Shinji-kun? Are you awake?"
Misato's voice came from the other side of the door.
"Misato-san…? Yes, I'm awake."
Just as Shinji stood up, the door burst open.
"Good morning! Today's the day!"
Misato was in an unusually good mood.
Her waist-length black hair swayed, and her strong-willed black eyes sparkled.
"Wh-what's today…?"
"Isn't it obvious! Asuka's coming! A-su-ka!"
Asuka.
The other Eva pilot, coming from Germany.
"The pilot of Unit-02… Soryu Asuka Langley, right?"
"That's right! Our ace is finally here. Aren't you excited?"
Misato showed a childlike smile.
Shinji couldn't quite manage to smile back.
(A new pilot, huh…)
This would be his first time meeting a pilot other than Rei.
What kind of person would she be?
"…I'm a little nervous."
"You'll be fine, Shinji-kun! Now, eat breakfast and let's head straight to the command center!"
Misato gave Shinji a pat on the back and left the room, humming to herself.
Shinji sighed once more and began to change.
—He'd already taken off the polka-dot pajamas.
He changed into his regular plug suit.
But he'd developed a habit of checking the inside before putting it on.
Today was fine. It was a normal plug suit.
"…Thank goodness."
A small voice of relief escaped him.
Even after arriving at the command center, Shinji's nervousness persisted.
He started tidying up the room as usual.
He gathered scattered documents and threw empty coffee cans into the trash.
But as his hands moved, his mind was elsewhere.
(Asuka-san… what kind of person is she?)
Maybe she'd be quiet, like Rei.
Maybe she'd be easier to talk to.
—No, that couldn't be right.
She was someone who'd become an Eva pilot.
She was definitely different from him.
"…Sigh."
"Ikari-kun."
A voice came from behind him, and Shinji jumped.
"Whoa! R-Rei…"
He turned around to see a girl with short, light-blue hair standing there.
Her crimson eyes gazed steadily at Shinji.
Rei held out a piece of paper to him.
"The school lunch duty roster has been updated. Today's lunch is rice. And tomorrow is bread."
"Oh, thanks… But why go out of your way to tell me?"
"…Because I thought Ikari-kun would want to know."
Rei said this, and her lips softened just a little.
Shinji felt a gentle warmth spread deep in his chest.
"…Thank you, Rei."
"Yes."
—At that moment.
BOOOOOOM!!!
A sudden roar shook the command center.
"Wh-what was that!?"
"It's a transport plane. It seems to have brought Unit-02."
Operator Makoto Hyuga reported calmly.
"She's here!"
Misato stood up.
The command center's main screen displayed footage of a massive transport plane.
The plane slowly descended toward the NERV headquarters' hangar.
"Shinji-kun, let's go wait downstairs!"
Misato grabbed Shinji's arm and rushed out of the command center.
They took the elevator down and ran to the hangar.
In the vast space, the enormous transport plane had come to rest.
The boarding stairs lowered.
The door opened.
—And then.
"So you're the idiot Shinji I've heard about!?"
Shinji froze.
Bright reddish-brown twintails that reached down her back.
Lively blue eyes that pierced straight through Shinji.
She was probably around 152 centimeters tall.
A cheap ring glinted on the pinky finger of her left hand.
Her twintails swaying, she marched right up to Shinji.
"Is it true you fought with potato chips!? That's just ridiculous!"
"Uh, um… well… I'm sorry…"
Shinji apologized reflexively.
His back hunched—an old habit surfacing.
"You think apologizing makes it okay!? Are you stupid!?"
"Asuka, that's enough. Go easy on him."
Misato laughed and placed a hand on Asuka's shoulder.
Asuka snorted in dissatisfaction.
"…Fine. But I'm not accepting this. That an idiot like him is a pilot just like me."
"…Okay."
Shinji looked down.
(Just as I thought. She's nothing like me.)
Full of confidence. Like she's not afraid of anything.
That kind of person.
"Anyway, let's get your stuff to the apartment first. Shinji-kun, help her out."
"Huh…?"
"I'm living at Misato's place. That's only natural, right?"
Asuka declared this as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"At Misato-san's… place?"
"What? You got a problem with that?"
"N-no… not really…"
Shinji hurriedly shook his head.
But inside, he was screaming.
(Ehhhhhhhhh!?)
Misato's apartment—the sixth floor of Comfort 17.
A 3LDK layout.
Rent treated as official quarters: 20,000 yen a month.
Eighty percent of the fridge's contents: Yebisu beer.
And now this hurricane of a person was coming there.
"So, which one's your room? This one? I'm taking this as my room, so you get the hallway!"
No sooner had they arrived home than Asuka barged into Shinji's room.
"Hey, wait a minute!"
"I'm not waiting! Ugh, this cello's in the way. Move it."
"That's my precious…!"
"Shut up! Just put it in the hallway!"
Without any hesitation, Asuka shoved Shinji's cello out into the hallway.
Then she started tossing her own luggage into the room.
"I'll put this here… oh, and I'm using the shelves. Move all your stuff to the bottom shelf."
"B-but…"
"No buts! I'm living here now, so follow my rules!"
Shinji was speechless.
Her sheer forcefulness drained him of any will to argue.
"Now, now, you two. You're going to be living together, so try to get along."
Misato laughed as she pulled a Yebisu beer from the fridge.
Asuka opened the freezer and started stuffing her chocolate ice cream inside.
"Ugh, this milk's in the way. Shove it to the side."
"…That's my… the one I always drink in the morning…"
"I don't care! Ice cream's way more important than milk!"
Shinji's milk carton was banished to the corner of the fridge.
(My place here is shrinking more and more…)
He muttered quietly in his heart.
—Clunk.
He heard the fridge sound and turned around.
Pen-Pen had opened the fridge by himself and was pulling out a can of fish.
"Gyu…"
Pen-Pen looked at Shinji with cold eyes, then took the can and waddled off to the living room.
(Even Pen-Pen…)
Shinji's shoulders slumped.
2:00 PM.
A sudden alarm shook NERV headquarters.
"Emergency! We are issuing an A-17 Special State of Emergency Declaration!"
Hyuga's voice echoed over the PA system.
"Unidentified flying object confirmed above Tokyo-3! All personnel, report to battle stations!"
At that moment, Shinji and Asuka were in the hangar receiving an explanation about Unit-02.
"An enemy!?"
"An Angel! Perfect timing. I'll show you what I can do!"
Asuka shouted joyfully and ran toward Unit-02's entry plug.
"Wait, we need Misato-san's orders…!"
"I can't wait! Let's go, Unit-02!"
Ignoring Shinji's words, Asuka activated Unit-02.
"Ah…"
Left with no choice, Shinji headed for Unit-01.
He slid into the entry plug, and the lukewarm, miso-soup-like LCL enveloped his body.
"Shinji-kun! This enemy isn't an Angel!"
Misato's voice burst through the comms.
"Not an Angel…?"
"It's a new SEELE weapon! Just be careful!"
Unit-01 was launched via catapult.
—Emerging on the surface, Shinji was struck speechless.
Beyond the buildings of Tokyo-3, it stood.
Total height: 120 meters.
A giant, gray file cabinet.
It creaked and groaned as it transformed into a humanoid shape.
The cabinet drawers became arms, the casters on the bottom became legs.
On its upper section, two arms shaped like "Approved" and "Rejected" stamps.
"Rejected, rejected, rejected."
The mechanical voice resounded through the city.
"Wh-what is this thing…!"
The giant robot—Gyoumu Kaizen—raised its infinite stamp arm.
Light gathered.
—The next moment.
BZZZZZZZZT!!!
A rejection beam was fired.
The instant it struck a building—
FWOOOOOSH!
The structure turned into scraps of paper in an instant.
Countless documents fluttered up into the sky.
"The city… turned into paper…!"
"What is that thing! I'll smash it to pieces!"
Asuka's voice rang out, and Unit-02 charged in alone.
"Asuka, wait! It's dangerous to go alone!"
"Shut up! I'm a genius! I don't need your help!"
Unit-02 circled around behind Gyoumu Kaizen.
It drew its progressive knife and slashed in one swift motion.
—But.
Suddenly, countless documents unfolded around Gyoumu Kaizen like a wall.
"What is this!?"
"It's an Approval-Pending Shield! A wall of paperwork!"
The progressive knife tore through the paper wall.
But it was a futile attack, merely cutting paper.
As soon as one section was cut, new documents replenished it.
"Dammit, there's no end to it!"
"Asuka, I'm coming too! I'll do something about that shield…!"
Shinji made Unit-01 run.
But he had no weapon.
(Potato chips again…?)
Fearfully, he opened the weapon rack.
—There they were.
But it was the same barbecue-flavored potato chips as last time.
"Why is it still potato chips…!"
"What are you doing, idiot Shinji! Hurry up and back me up!"
Asuka's angry yell tore through the comms.
"Uh, um…! I'll make a flamethrower like before…!"
Shinji frantically tore open the bag of potato chips and soaked his hands in the oil.
"A flamethrower!? As if that would work, you idiot!"
"Enough! Both of you, coordinate!"
Misato's order came through.
But Asuka didn't listen.
"I'm taking it down, so stay out of my way!"
Unit-02 charged again.
Shinji readied his flamethrower and moved to provide support.
—The result.
Their movements completely crossed each other.
"Asuka, don't go that way!"
"You stay back!"
Unit-01 and Unit-02 nearly collided.
In their frantic attempt to evade, their arms became entangled.
"Oh no…!"
At that moment—
Rejected, rejected.
Gyoumu Kaizen's mechanical voice echoed, and its infinite stamp arm glowed.
BZZZZZZZZT!!!
The rejection beam struck both units directly.
His vision went pure white.
"Aaaaaaaahhh!"
The impact shot through his entire body.
—Bzzt.
Unit-01's main screen blacked out.
The entry plug's lights went out too.
"Functions ceased… Unit-01 and Unit-02, both have lost power!"
Hyuga's voice echoed in the darkness.
"No way…"
—Emergency ejection.
Shinji was thrown from the entry plug.
He landed on his back in the hangar corridor.
"…Ow ow ow."
Beside him, Asuka also slid out of her plug.
"What the hell! What was that!!"
Asuka kicked the wall.
"This is because you didn't move properly! It's all your fault!"
"Huh…?"
"My debut battle is completely ruined! Because of an idiot who fights with potato chips!"
"H-how is this my fault! You're the one who charged in on your own!"
Shinji, uncharacteristically, shouted back.
"What!? What did you say!? It's because you were scared of that weird robot!"
"That's not true! I was doing my best too!"
"Your best? Don't make me laugh! Doing your best with potato chips—how stupid can you be!"
"Don't just say whatever you want! There weren't any other weapons back then!"
"But we still lost, didn't we! The polka-dot pajamas would've been better than this!"
—Silence.
The corridor fell completely quiet.
Asuka's face turned bright red.
"Ah…"
Shinji blinked three times.
"…Polka-dot pajamas?"
"N-no, that's not what I meant! That just now was…!"
Asuka frantically tried to make excuses.
But it was too late.
"Asuka… you know about them? The polka-dot paja
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