Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual
Deep beneath Tokyo lies NERV, a secret base meant to protect the world. But today, as usual, everyone is just lazing around.
The protagonist is Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. At 14, he carries the fate of the world, but his biggest worry right now is "my sortie rate is so high I can't finish my homework." One morning in the command center, Misato Katsuragi is passed out hungover, and Rei Ayanami informs him, "Today's school lunch is bread" (which is completely irrelevant). A peacefu
Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual - Potato Chips and a Flamethrower
"Don't screw with me...!"
Shinji's voice echoed through the hallway.
Right in front of him, the giant shredder monster roared. The forty-eight pages of documents he'd spent all night making with Rei turned into confetti in an instant.
Something deep in his chest burned hot.
(Our hard work... turned into this...)
He clenched his fists. His fingers wouldn't stop trembling.
That's when it happened.
*Emergency! Hostile entity confirmed in the hallway outside General Affairs! Shinji-kun, sortie in Unit-01!*
Misato's voice burst through the building's PA system.
"...I'm going."
Shinji broke into a run. His usual habit of hunching his shoulders was gone.
He leaped into the elevator, heading down to the underground Eva hangar. In that eighty-meter-tall space, the purple giant—Unit-01—sat enshrined.
"Shinji-kun, hurry!"
Chief Mechanic Koutarou Ibuki (age 52) shouted, his voice strained.
"The weapon rack still hasn't been checked—!"
"It's fine, I'm going as is!"
Shinji slid into the entry plug.
LCL, like lukewarm miso soup, enveloped his body. The console in front of him booted up, and the main screen displayed the hangar.
"Unit-01, launch!"
The catapult fired.
Up to the surface—.
Above ground in Tokyo-3, the shredder monster was already there. Over ten meters tall. Its gray metal body reflected the sunlight, and countless blades spun and glinted in the intake slot at the top.
(Huge...)
Shinji reached out and opened the weapon rack.
Progressive knife. Pallet rifle.
He tried to grab one—
His hand stopped.
"...Huh?"
Lined up in the weapon rack—
Barbecue flavor. Sixty grams.
Potato chips.
One bag, two bags, three bags.
Countless bags of potato chips, stacked up neatly.
"Wha—what is this!!"
Shinji screamed.
He opened a channel to the command center.
"Misato-san! The weapons—all the weapons are potato chips!"
*Haaah!?*
Misato's shocked face appeared on the monitor. Her waist-length black hair swayed.
*W-wait a second! There's no time to get weapons to you right now—*
"There isn't!?"
*No, there isn't! Figure something out with what you've got!*
The comm cut off.
"...Figure something out with what I've got..."
Shinji picked up one of the potato chip bags.
A silver bag, puffed up tight.
He tore it open.
Psssh.
The smell of oil spread through the entry plug.
(This smell...)
Something clicked in Shinji's head.
A fourteen-year-old who excelled at all household chores. He tidied Misato's apartment, took care of Pen-Pen, and cooked for himself when the fridge held nothing but beer.
(Oil burns if you light it.)
(Highly flammable.)
(Which means—)
"It could be... a weapon."
It was an outrageous idea.
But he had no other choice.
That's when—
GOGOGOGOGO!
The shredder monster moved. It headed for the archives in NERV's above-ground facilities, smashed through the wall, and went inside. Countless documents were sucked into the monster's intake slot.
GRRRRRRRRIND!
The sound of shredding echoed.
And the monster's body grew a size larger.
"It's getting bigger by swallowing the documents...!"
Shinji made Unit-01 run. But without weapons, he couldn't get close. All he could do was keep running away.
(What do I do...)
His palms were drenched in sweat. His deep brown eyes desperately scanned the console.
His hand brushed against the spare plug suit compartment.
He opened it.
Inside—
"...Pajamas?"
Polka-dot pajamas.
A blue background dotted with white polka dots.
"Wha—why is this here? Did Asuka...?"
Shinji was confused. Asuka wasn't supposed to have arrived from Germany yet. But for some reason, his intuition told him this luggage was definitely hers.
—Are you stupid?
He felt like a voice he'd never heard before echoed in his mind.
(No, this isn't the time for that!)
Shinji shook his head. But that's when he noticed it.
The unit's temperature gauge was clearly lower than usual.
(This... the pajamas' breathability is preventing it from overheating?)
The pajama fabric was far thinner than a normal plug suit. The heat dissipation efficiency was vastly superior.
"Amazing..."
He murmured without thinking.
But the problem still wasn't solved. He had no weapon.
—That's when.
*Ikari-kun*
A communication came in. It was Rei.
"Ayanami!"
*I have analyzed the shredder's behavioral patterns.*
Rei's voice was as flat as ever. But he could feel a small warmth beneath it.
*Immediately after shredding original documents, its internal blades stop for exactly three seconds. That moment is its weak point.*
"Three seconds..."
*If it's you, Ikari-kun, you can do it.*
The comm cut off.
Shinji made up his mind.
(I'll do it.)
He brought Unit-01 close to the hangar. The maintenance crew's toolbox was scattered on the floor.
The giant hand of Unit-01 gently picked it up.
Inside were spark plugs and work gloves.
(This is it.)
Shinji tore open potato chip bags one after another. Oil soaked into Unit-01's hand. He soaked the work gloves in oil and inserted the spark plugs.
(A fire starter.)
(Use the oil to make the fire bigger.)
(An improvised—flamethrower.)
Knowledge cultivated through housework. He was used to handling oil.
"If I deep-fry them again, they become a weapon... huh."
Shinji gave a wry smile.
His idea wasn't a joke after all.
That's when—
GOGOGOGOGO!
The shredder monster found its next target.
The original copies of NERV's budget documents. The most critical files, recording annual operating expenses of 1.2 trillion yen.
The documents were sucked into the intake slot.
GRRRRRRRRIND—
—Silence.
The blades stopped.
"Now!"
Shinji made Unit-01 run.
Cutting through the wind.
The pajamas' breathability released the unit's heat. No overheating.
Work gloves in the left hand. Spark plugs in the right.
He shoved the gloves into the monster's intake slot—and struck the spark plugs.
CRACK!
A spark.
The next instant—
FOOOM!!!
The oil ignited all at once.
"BURN————!!"
He threw the fire in, gloves and all.
The oil-soaked documents inside exploded into flames.
Orange fire erupted from the monster's intake slot.
Grrrr... grr...
The mechanical sound stretched out and stopped.
—GOOOOOOOSH!!!
An explosion from within.
The shredder monster collapsed, belching black smoke.
It slammed into the ground and never moved again.
The command center fell silent.
*...Did we do it?*
Someone said.
*WE DID IT————!!!*
Hyuga shouted, and the command center erupted in cheers.
Misato stood up.
"With this, we've reclaimed our lunch break! And while we're at it—"
A brief pause.
"Starting next week, the cafeteria curry goes back to mild!!"
*UOOOOOOOOH!!!*
The staff's morale skyrocketed.
Tamae-san from the underground cafeteria "Lakeview" applauded with tears in her eyes.
—Return.
Shinji emerged from the entry plug and stepped down into the hangar.
His whole body was drenched in sweat. But he didn't feel bad.
"Good work, Shinji-kun."
Misato rushed over.
"...Thank you. But, Misato-san."
"Hm? What is it?"
"Why is my plug suit... pajamas?"
Shinji pointed at the polka-dot pajamas he was wearing.
Misato blinked.
"Huh? What's that? I don't know anything about it."
"Ehhh...?"
"But they look good on you! Polka dots!"
"This isn't a laughing matter..."
Shinji's shoulders slumped.
The culprit remained unknown.
But—
"Ikari-kun."
A voice called out, and he turned around.
Rei stood there. Her light blue short bob shimmered, translucent under the hangar lights. Her crimson eyes gazed directly at Shinji.
"...Thank you."
It was a small voice.
But there was definitely emotion in it.
"Ayanami... thanking me...?"
"You defeated the shredder. And the cafeteria curry will return to mild."
"No, but... the documents got shredded to pieces."
"We can write them again. Together."
Rei's lips softened, just a little.
(Ah...)
The center of Shinji's chest grew warm.
"...Yeah. Together, again."
That's when—
"Hold it right there!!"
From a distance, someone's angry yell echoed.
"Huh?"
At the hangar entrance stood a girl with flowing red hair.
"You're Shinji!? Why are you wearing my pajamas!!? Baka!?"
Shinji froze.
"Uh, um... I'm... sorry...!"
"You think apologizing makes it okay!? Those are a limited edition I specially ordered from Germany!!"
"Limited edition!?"
Misato laughed and clapped Shinji on the shoulder.
"Shinji-kun, let me introduce you. The new pilot from Germany—Soryu Asuka Langley."
"Eeeeehhhhh...!?"
Asuka stomped closer, closing in.
"Prepare yourself! Pajama thief!!"
Shinji ran.
Asuka's furious shouts chased him from behind.
But—
As he ran, Shinji thought.
(It looks like things are going to get lively.)
Everyday life was slowly coming back.
Or rather, a new storm had arrived.
What kind of battle was waiting for him this time?
—First things first, he had to finish his homework.
Shinji quietly added that in his heart.
Novelia is an AI-powered platform to read original light novels and fan fiction, create your own in just a few taps, and chat with the characters. New, illustrated episodes arrive daily — free to start.