Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual
Deep beneath Tokyo lies NERV, a secret base meant to protect the world. But today, as usual, everyone is just lazing around.
The protagonist is Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. At 14, he carries the fate of the world, but his biggest worry right now is "my sortie rate is so high I can't finish my homework." One morning in the command center, Misato Katsuragi is passed out hungover, and Rei Ayanami informs him, "Today's school lunch is bread" (which is completely irrelevant). A peacefu
Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual - Homework, Curry, and the Door to Tomorrow
The weight of the flamethrower dug into his shoulder.
His homemade device was built from potato chip oil and a spark plug borrowed from the maintenance crew. Every time he strapped it on, a faint barbecue smell wafted up.
"...Next corner, turn right."
Rei's voice through the communicator was as flat as ever.
The lower levels of the *Gyōmukaizen-gō*. The corridors, walled in gray, were as sterile as some government office hallway. Plates hung from the ceiling reading "SILENCE" and "NO UNAUTHORIZED ENTRY."
They were inside the enemy, yet not a single soldier was in sight.
Instead, standing at regular intervals, were rows of file cabinets frozen at attention. The drawer handles gleamed like eyes.
"Are we really inside a robot...?"
Shinji wiped his palms, damp with tension, against his pants.
That was when—
BOOOOM!!!
A deep, gut-rumbling explosion echoed from far away.
"Stupid Shinji! What's going on over there?!"
Asuka's furious shout burst through the communicator.
In the background: the sound of missiles launching, and a dull thud like something being crushed by a giant stamp.
"We're just outside the enemy's core."
"Then hurry it up! We're taking all the Rejection Beams over here! My Unit-02's right arm is already covered in 'Application Incomplete' stamps!!"
"Next corner, right. Avoid the places where the floor is gray. There are traps."
Rei cut in with her instructions, as if layering her voice over Asuka's.
"R-Right."
Shinji stopped and stared at the fork in the path ahead.
The left floor was gray. The right was white.
Rei's analysis was flawless. She was apparently reading the internal structure of this colossal enemy in real time using Unit-00's sensors.
"...Rei, you're amazing."
His murmur echoed through the quiet corridor.
Three of them.
Asuka drawing the enemy's attention head-on, Rei showing him the way, and himself infiltrating.
This was the first time.
The first time he'd fought alongside others like this.
A warmth spread deep in his chest.
(*Is this what they call... teamwork?*)
Shinji chose the white-floored path, just as Rei had told him.
"You're too slow, stupid Shinji! How long do you think I can keep playing bullet sponge?!"
Asuka again.
But—her voice wasn't just angry. There was a faint tremor in it.
Shinji had a vague sense of what that tremor meant.
(*Asuka... she's actually scared.*)
She, too, was facing a giant enemy all alone.
"I'm almost there. Just a little longer. Please."
"I-It's not like I'm worried about you or anything! If you keep dragging your feet, you'll ruin the whole operation!"
The door to the deepest level was found almost too easily.
"...This is it."
At the end of the corridor.
A steel door, like the entrance to a bank vault.
Covered in red labels: "RESTRICTED ACCESS," "ORIGINAL — STRICT CONTROL," "REMOVAL PERMIT REQUIRED."
Shinji pushed the door with a trembling hand.
*Creeeak...*
It opened with a heavy groan.
Inside was a dimly lit room.
A circular space, about ten meters across. In the center, a small pedestal stood alone.
And on it—there it was.
"Lunch Break Abolishment — Application Form (Original)"
A thick file.
On its cover: the SEELE seal. An emblem shaped like twelve black monoliths.
Shinji took one step forward.
Then another.
He reached for the pedestal.
His fingertips touched the edge of the file—and in that instant—
"—System activated. Deploying 'Chamber of Infinite Deliberation.'"
A cold mechanical voice fell from the ceiling.
The entire room was engulfed in blinding white light.
Shinji shut his eyes reflexively.
When he opened them again—countless documents surrounded him.
A4-sized objection forms.
Forty-eight sheets of paper, slowly rotating in the air, closing in on him.
"Wh-What is this...?"
Cold sweat ran down his back.
"You must complete all required fields on these forms and submit them without error. Otherwise, you cannot touch the application form."
The mechanical voice delivered its pronouncement flatly.
"Time limit: five minutes."
"Y-You've gotta be kidding...!"
Shinji's voice cracked.
Forty-eight forms.
He grabbed one floating in the air before him.
Over twenty fields. Address, name, date of birth, affiliation, position, grounds for objection, relevant regulations, attached documents—
"There's no way I can do this in five minutes...!"
His mind went blank.
Needing more paperwork just to burn the paperwork.
This was absurdity beyond reason.
That was when—
The envelope.
The brown envelope Rei had handed him without a word last night, after the strategy meeting ended.
"...Open it if you need it."
That was all she'd said before walking away.
Shinji frantically tore the envelope open.
What emerged was—a fill-in-the-blank objection form template.
In Rei's thin, meticulous handwriting, instructions for answering every field.
"Rei did all this...?"
She must have stayed up all night making it.
Shinji felt a tight squeeze deep in his chest.
—But this was no time to be moved.
"Okay... Address: Tokyo-3, NERV Headquarters..."
With trembling hands, he mechanically filled in the blanks, following Rei's template.
Grounds for objection: "This application will significantly lower staff morale and, by extension, diminish NERV's defensive capabilities."
Relevant regulation: "NERV Work Regulation Article 7, Guarantee of Lunch Break."
One form. Two. Three...
His fingers felt like they were about to cramp.
The forms remained floating in the air. As soon as he finished one, the next pressed closer.
"Time remaining: one minute."
A cold voice.
"W-Wait! Just a little more...!"
The final form.
"Applicant's Signature and Seal."
Shinji's pen hand stopped.
—A seal.
He didn't have one.
He searched his uniform pockets. Student ID. Handkerchief. A few measly coins.
"I don't have it... I left my seal at school..."
His voice trembled.
After coming all this way.
After Rei and Asuka had tried so hard.
Because of him, it was all going to fall apart.
"Time remaining: thirty seconds."
"...No way."
That was when he noticed it.
Scribbled in the margin of the template.
In tiny letters, it read:
*—NERV Regulation Article 7. In emergencies, a thumbprint is acceptable.*
*—I changed it.*
"R-Rei..."
Shinji looked down at his own thumb with a start.
Covered in grease, stained pitch black.
—Potato chip oil.
"This is it...!"
He wet his finger with the oil, using it in place of ink paste.
Then, he pressed it firmly onto the signature line.
A soft *pat*.
"Application accepted. ...However, this is a thumbprint. A new rule. That cannot be permitted. But it is written in Regulation Article 7. Contradiction. Contradiction..."
The mechanical voice began to falter.
The wall of documents rotating in the air trembled.
"Objection... sustained. Negative. Not sustained. Sustained. Not sustained...!!"
The lights flickered on and off.
The wall of forms fell to the floor, one after another.
The system couldn't process the contradiction.
—Now.
Shinji readied the flamethrower on his back.
He pulled out the waterproof matches Asuka had entrusted to him.
They weren't damp. She'd kept them safe in her pocket the whole time.
*Fwoosh.*
The match ignited.
"This is my—"
He forced out the final words, voice shaking.
"—answer to my homework!!"
He pulled the trigger.
*FOOOSH!!*
Orange flames erupted.
The potato chip oil and the spark plug's ignition had birthed an improvised inferno.
The flames swallowed the original application form on the pedestal in an instant.
The paper shrank, blackened, crumpled.
Ashen pages fluttered down.
"Lunch break... abolition... rejected. Not permitted. Negative. Not permitted. Permi... tted..."
The mechanical voice broke into fragments.
—In that moment.
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE...!*
The ground shook violently beneath his feet.
Countless cracks raced across the walls.
Bundles of documents rained down from the ceiling.
Application forms, approval requests, approval requests, application forms—
The *Gyōmukaizen-gō* was beginning to collapse.
Shinji ran for the exit.
"Stupid Shinji! Hurry up! It's total chaos over here!!"
"Next corner, left. After that, straight ahead. You can escape."
Only Rei's voice remained calm.
The moment he burst outside, the morning sun was blinding.
Behind him, the 120-meter-tall giant file cabinet crumbled with a deafening roar.
A mountain of paperwork.
The fragmented mechanical voice—"Protect the lunch break..."—soon faded into silence.
Shinji dropped to his knees.
All the strength drained from his body.
"...Is it... over?"
It still didn't feel real.
That was when—
"YOU DID IIIIT!!!"
Misato's triumphant scream exploded through the communicator.
Right after, the command center operators erupted in thunderous applause and shouts.
"The lunch break has been defended! Attention, all personnel! Starting tomorrow, the cafeteria curry is mild! With a free large-size upgrade!!"
"Misato-san, you're so generous!"
"Uwaaaaaah! Misato-san, I love you!!"
"...It's finally over."
A smile finally crept onto Shinji's face, too.
(*We protected it. Everyone's... everyday life.*)
Several hours later.
Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High School, Class 2-A.
"Ikari. You cut it close to the deadline, but well done."
Homeroom teacher Nebuchadnezzar-sensei removed his reading glasses and smiled quietly.
In Shinji's hands: the math homework he'd just turned in.
He'd rushed to school with his face still smudged with soot.
"...Th-Thank you, sir."
When he returned to his desk, Asuka spoke without looking at him.
"W-Well, it just happened to work out as teamwork or whatever! It's not like I was helping you or anything."
Her face was slightly red.
"...Yeah. Thanks, Asuka."
"I—said—! I wasn't—"
Just then, the door slid open quietly.
"...Welcome back, Ikari-kun."
Rei entered the classroom, expressionless as always.
But—the corners of her mouth seemed just a little softer than usual.
"...Good to be back, Rei."
Shinji said it, then scratched his head, embarrassed.
Outside the window, the morning sun had already risen high.
Today's school lunch, just as Misato had declared, was mild curry.
The shattered everyday had changed shape, just a little—but it had, without a doubt, returned.
—But.
After school.
Shinji came alone to the shores of Lake Ashi.
The lake's surface was dyed orange.
On the bank, the wreckage of the collapsed *Gyōmukaizen-gō* still lay abandoned, not yet cleared away.
A mountain of giant documents, folders, and broken file cabinets.
From within it—a single scrap of paper danced on the wind.
*Flutter.*
Shinji caught it.
White paper.
On it, just four lines of text, printed in Mincho typeface.
*—Next time, we will dispatch an inspector.*
*—This is a warning.*
In the bottom right corner: the SEELE seal, shaped like a black monolith.
"...So it's not over yet."
Shinji murmured quietly.
The evening wind blew down his spine.
A slight chill.
Clutching the warning notice in his hand—he gazed out at the lake for a long while.
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