Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual
Deep beneath Tokyo lies NERV, a secret base meant to protect the world. But today, as usual, everyone is just lazing around.
The protagonist is Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. At 14, he carries the fate of the world, but his biggest worry right now is "my sortie rate is so high I can't finish my homework." One morning in the command center, Misato Katsuragi is passed out hungover, and Rei Ayanami informs him, "Today's school lunch is bread" (which is completely irrelevant). A peacefu
Shinji Ikari's Peaceful Collapse Diary: NERV, Chaos as Usual - Meeting Hell and the Ghost of Homework
The floor of his room was so cold it felt like his body might sink right through it.
"…"
Shinji sat with his knees drawn up, leaning against the wall. The moment Unit-01 was defeated wouldn't leave his mind.
Error displays spreading across the console. Limbs that had lost all function.
The umbilical cable severed, the five-minute warning blaring—and he couldn't do a thing.
"I'm… useless…"
His voice trembled.
Back then, Asuka had definitely been screaming. *Stupid Shinji! What are you spacing out for! It's because you wouldn't move!*
That must be what she really thinks.
In the next room.
Just one wall away, he could hear quiet, irregular sobbing.
Asuka.
Normally so loud, but when she's alone, she muffles her crying.
Shinji had never known that weakness of hers before.
*Creak.*
Small footsteps padded down the hallway, then stopped.
"…Kuu."
Pen-Pen. As if sensing something, the penguin kept shuffling back and forth between the fridge and the front door. Those restless footsteps were the only living sound in the house.
"Sorry, Pen-Pen. You must be hungry…"
Shinji couldn't lift his head.
—*Gyomu Kaizen*.
The transformed shape of that giant filing cabinet surfaced in his mind.
The endlessly extending stamp-arms, the beam that rejected everything.
(*How are we supposed to beat something like that?*)
NERV's defense line must be non-functional by now.
Command center, the tech division, even the cafeteria that was always filled with laughter—all of it had fallen into enemy hands.
"Everyone… already…"
Just then, the voice from beyond the wall suddenly rose.
"Why…! Why do I have to… this…!"
*Thud!*
The sound of something hitting the wall.
Asuka's anger and grief traveled through the physical vibration into Shinji's back.
She came from Germany. All alone.
Better than anyone, wanting to be acknowledged more than anyone.
—And yet, in her first real battle, she suffered a crushing defeat.
"Asuka…"
Should he call out to her? But what could he even say?
What came out of Shinji's mouth was the usual.
"…I'm sorry."
An apology. He hated himself for being incapable of anything else.
—Around that time.
NERV Headquarters, Central Command Room.
The thirty-meter-diameter hemispherical screen was now buried under countless displays of meeting minutes.
"Agenda item: 'Proposal for Operational Efficiency Improvement Following the Abolition of Lunch Breaks.' Those in favor, raise your hands."
The mechanical voice echoed coldly through the vast command room.
There was no trace of the usual command post.
The operator seats, the tactical command platform—all of it had been replaced by rectangular conference tables. Red "IN MEETING" lamps flashed along the walls, and incomprehensible flowcharts were scrawled across the whiteboards.
"Don't screw with me! How is this an agenda item! You've made us read the exact same sentence aloud forty-eight times!"
Misato slammed her fist on the table.
Bundles of approval documents fluttered down.
Hyuga Makoto, seated across from her, already had vacant eyes.
"It's impossible… how many hours of the same agenda…"
"The stamp-arms are coming again! Everyone watch out!"
Simultaneous with Maya's scream, a giant stamp-arm descended from the ceiling. The vermilion ink pad gleamed dully.
*BOOM!!!*
"Article 42 of the application, typographical error in the section 'The Significance of Lunch Breaks.' Resubmit. Returned."
Aoba Shigeru slumped his head in despair.
"One single typo… and we have to start over from the beginning…"
"Not yet. It's not over yet."
Misato's black eyes were burning.
Her fingers raced across the portable terminal hidden under the desk.
This meeting field was under powerful communication jamming. All normal lines were cut off, making outside contact nearly impossible.
(*But—there's a gap.*)
The moment the agenda looped back to the start. Every time the discussion completed one cycle, for zero-point-three seconds, the noise broke.
If she was going to send a message, it had to be in that instant.
"…Just wait."
With trembling fingers, she typed out a single line of text.
—*You mustn't run away. You haven't finished your homework yet, right?*
That was the absolute limit of what she could do as a Lieutenant Colonel.
---
Eleven PM.
The kitchen of the Katsuragi household apartment was dim.
The fluorescent light was on, but somehow everything looked hazy. Maybe the air was just that heavy.
Shinji poured tap water into a glass.
The sensation of cold water passing down his throat was the only thing that felt like proof he was still alive.
—*Click.*
Behind him, the sound of a door opening.
He turned to see a slender silhouette standing in the darkness of the hallway.
Reddish-brown hair disheveled, her usual twin-tails undone.
It was Asuka.
"…"
Her eyes, swollen from crying, were bloodshot red. Those blue irises caught the kitchen light, glistening wetly.
"Asuka… want some water?"
"…I don't need any."
Asuka turned her face away from Shinji. But she didn't try to leave.
The silence stretched on.
Only the low hum of the refrigerator droned.
It was Asuka's small voice that broke it.
"…Why."
"Huh?"
"Why are you… always like this!"
Asuka lunged and grabbed Shinji by the collar.
"Making that face like you've given up! Apologizing with 'I'm sorry'! Looking defeated before you even fight! It's your fault that everything, *everything* got ruined!!"
Her shouting voice was shaking.
But deep in Shinji's chest, something snapped too.
"…Why do you always blame people like that!"
Before he knew it, Shinji was shouting too.
"I tried my best too! But there's no way we could beat an enemy like that! You couldn't do anything either, could you!"
"Shut up! It's because you held me back!!"
"No! It's because you charged in first, so I couldn't back you up!"
"Stupid Shinji! You useless—!"
"What's that supposed to mean! You're the one who swapped out my pajamas without asking!"
Shinji's words rang through the kitchen.
In that instant—Asuka froze.
"…"
Her bloodshot eyes widened further.
Her face flushed red all at once. Even the tips of her ears turned bright red.
"H… how do you know about that…!"
"Of course I know! Who else is in this house!"
"That was… that was, yeah! Because you always look so shabby! I was just being nice, telling you to dress a little better!"
"How is that being nice! I got embarrassed because of it!"
"But… but you always wear the same clothes… and the colors are so dull… and I thought it would suit you…"
Her voice suddenly grew small.
"In Germany, no one ever looked at me. I was just a pilot, just an operator. All they needed was results… no one cared what kind of clothes I wore…"
Asuka's shoulders trembled.
"But it was the same here. You, Misato, Rei… everyone was already a group before I came… and I'm just in the way… I hate that…"
Shinji was at a loss for words.
The strength drained from Asuka's hands, still gripping his collar.
"…So that's why, the pajamas?"
"…Yeah. Sorry, okay. For a stupid Shinji, polka dots were too cheeky, weren't they!"
"…That's not what I meant."
Shinji placed a hand on his own chest.
His heart was pounding painfully.
But it wasn't from anger.
"I thought I could be useful. Piloting Eva, protecting everyone… but in the end, it's always like this. I can't do anything, I just put everyone in danger."
He clenched his fist.
"Only when I'm fighting the Angels do I feel like I'm needed. But if I lose like this time… then I have no worth at all anymore."
For the first time, in his own words, he voiced his fear.
A lonely person, a mass of desire for approval.
That wasn't just Asuka.
Shinji was the same.
"…"
Asuka was silent for a while.
Then she roughly shoved Shinji's shoulder.
"…Idiot. Stupid Shinji."
Her voice was far weaker than before.
---
Late night.
Across the living room table, the two sat with their backs to each other.
Shinji on the floor, Asuka on the edge of the sofa.
Only the awkward exhaustion after a fight hung in the room.
"…Whatever. I don't care anymore."
Shinji muttered.
"Homework, Eva, lunch breaks. All of it."
"Yeah. An organization like this is going to collapse anyway. No more lunch breaks, no more cafeteria food, everyone buried in paperwork until they die."
Asuka agreed, flippantly.
—Just then.
*Bzz.*
Shinji's terminal vibrated faintly.
"Huh…?"
At this hour? From who?
He picked it up. The screen was running with heavy noise.
Most of it was garbled and unreadable.
But just one line, in clear text, surfaced.
*'You mustn't run away. You haven't finished your homework yet, right?'*
"…Misato-san."
The sender was Katsuragi Misato, who should have been trapped in the command center.
"What's that? What does it mean?"
Asuka peered at the screen from behind Shinji.
"…I don't know. But."
Light returned to Shinji's eyes.
"Misato-san is always like this. She conveys important things with weird words. Like 'If we win, I'll change the cafeteria curry back to mild,' or 'Don't skip your cleaning duty.'"
He gripped the terminal tightly.
"So this must mean—'Find a breakthrough.' The reason to fight isn't world peace. It's to finish your homework."
"Huh? That makes no sense. What does homework have to do with defeating the enemy?"
Asuka furrowed her brow, but in her blue eyes, a faint glimmer of curiosity surfaced.
---
Dawn approached.
Shinji spread out his math worksheets on the living room table.
"…Here, this is simultaneous equations."
"Why are you doing homework now! The enemy is still out there!"
"Listen, Asuka. Watching *Gyomu Kaizen*'s movements, I realized something. When it fires the rejection beam, it always stamps three times first. That means—"
His pencil raced across the worksheet.
Drawing graphs, connecting movement lines with arrows.
"—It follows a fixed rule, just like a formula!"
Shinji's voice trembled with hope.
"The more flaws it points out in the application, the stronger the beam gets. But in other words, if there are zero flaws, it can't fire that beam!"
He showed Asuka the notes he'd scrawled on the back of his homework.
A hastily scribbled battle plan, full of numbers and arrows.
"…For a stupid Shinji, you actually think of something decent once in a while."
Asuka still couldn't be honest.
But.
She sat down in the seat across from Shinji.
She didn't leave.
"…But how do we execute that? Command center, the Evas, they've all been taken."
"We'll figure that out too."
Shinji lifted his head.
His deep brown eyes gazed at the sky outside the window, beginning to pale.
"Misato-san always said it. 'Send the bill to the Angels.' So this time, for sure—we can bill it to homework."
"…That still makes no sense."
But the corners of Asuka's mouth relaxed, just a little.
Daybreak.
From the kitchen, Pen-Pen poked his head out and let out a small cry.
He was pecking at the refrigerator door with his beak.
"Sorry, Pen-Pen, I'll feed you now."
Shinji stood up.
In his hand, the notes written on the back of his homework.
"Asuka. There's something I want your help with."
"What, so formal."
"Potato chips. Do we still have any left?"
Asuka blinked blankly for a moment, then let out a huge sigh.
"Stupid Shinji! You're going to fight with fried food again!? Just how much do you love fried food!!"
"No, that's not what I—"
"…I know. The key to the food storage was in Misato's desk."
Asuka stood up and retied her hair into a single ponytail.
"But this time, I'm the one calling the shots. Got it, stupid Shinji?"
"…Yeah. I'm counting on you, Asuka."
They opened the living room door.
Before saving the world, first, finish the homework.
To do that—defeat *Gyomu Kaizen*.
In the late-night hallway, two sets of footsteps began to echo.
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